The Takedown (The Hookup Book 2) Page 7

  “Is that really so bad?” I said softly. “I mean, at least you get companionship and good sex.”

  “I want more than that. I deserve more than that. So do you,” she said passionately. “Either these guys step up to the plate or they can go home.”

  “So you do like him?”

  “I think he’s cute, but let’s just see what happens with you and Nate first. That’s why we’re here.”

  “I don’t know that Nate is looking for a relationship,” I said softly. “I don’t know that anything I say or do will make him want to commit.”

  “I’m afraid you might be right, but we have to see,” Anabel said. “Either way, it’s better for you to know.”

  “Maybe it’s okay if he can’t commit. I know his mom had a hard time with his dad and I think that’s why he’s scared of commitment.”

  “What’s that got to do with it?”

  “Well his mom had to look after his grandfather who went to live in a home and his dad got pissed and basically ended up cheating on her and leaving her. And I guess his mom just fell into a depression and never really got over it,” I said softly. “That’s essentially what I gather happened from stuff he told me over the years. I’m pretty sure that’s why he doesn’t believe in commitment.”

  “We all have shitty families and relationships, Janie.” Anabel shook her head. “I’m sorry, but that’s no excuse. Shit, my dad left my mom when I was a baby. But I’m not backing away from a real relationship. He can’t use that as an excuse to use you.”

  “He’s not using me,” I said emphatically, but deep down I knew she was right. Nate was taking me for granted and in a way he was using me. He was taking everything he wanted from me and I wasn’t really getting anything from him.

  “Well that’s to be seen,” she said and then got out of the bed. “Okay, I need to have a shower and get ready. We’re going snorkeling this afternoon and I want to be ready.”

  “I can’t believe you made us book those tickets for Shark Ray Alley.” I groaned. “If I get eaten by a shark I’m never going to speak to you again.”

  “Okay.” She laughed. “That sounds like a fair deal.”

  “Anabel.” I glared at her. “Not funny.”

  “Way funny, Janie,” she said and then groaned as she looked in the mirror. “Ugh, look at me. I look like a hot mess.”

  “You look beautiful.”

  “You have to say that. You’re my best friend.” She smoothed back her hair and then looked back at me. “Are Dylan and Nate here?”

  “I think they went for a run,” I said and looked down. I didn’t want to tell her that I’d snuck out of Nate’s room early in the morning before he’d woken up. I hadn’t slept well after the night we’d had before. I was more in love with Nate than ever, yet I felt even more unsure of myself. We’d slept together and it had been amazing, yet I knew that it had been a mistake. We were not on the same page at all. And I wasn’t sure we ever would be. I almost felt like he’d said those words to me after we’d had sex just to make sure that I wasn’t under any illusion as to what was going on between us. The sex had been amazing and having him close had been amazing, but nothing real had actually changed between us. We were still just friends. In fact, now I realized that I didn’t even really know him as well as I thought I had. How could I not have known he was a writer? It hurt me deeply to know he hadn’t trusted me enough to tell me about his writing, but oh, his writing. It was so deep. It spoke to his inner child. The child, the spirit inside of him that hurt and felt pain. The side of him that wasn’t able to be expressive in real life. He had real emotions. Deep emotions. Both of his pieces had touched me in ways no piece of writing ever had. Maybe that was because I knew they were written by him. And maybe because I knew that the second story I’d read was inspired by me in a time where I was hurting deeply as well. It somehow made me feel even more connected to him to know that he had also felt a deep sense of loss. I had mattered to him. Even though our estrangement had been his fault, he had regretted it. That meant something to me. I mattered. What we had mattered. I just wished that I mattered more. In a more meaningful way. I wanted to be more than his friend.

  ***

  “What happened to you last night?” Nate whispered to me as we got onto the boat that was going to take us snorkeling.

  “What do you mean?” I asked innocently, careful to make sure that Anabel and Dylan weren’t listening.

  “When I woke up you weren’t there.” His eyes searched mine. “What happened?”

  “I thought it best to not be seen coming out of your room naked this morning,” I said. “It was just for fun after all.” I then turned around and headed over to where Dylan was sitting. I was not going to let Nate know how his words had hurt me the night before. I didn’t want to give him that power. If he knew how much he had hurt me, he would know that I loved him. And he would know that he had all the power. That wasn’t how I was going to get him. He had to think that he could lose me from his life. He had to believe that I could take him or leave him. I hated playing this game, but Anabel was right. This was the only way to truly see if he was willing to step up to the plate and be in a real relationship with me.

  “Hey sexy,” Dylan said as I sat next to him and I gave him a big smile.

  “Hey,” I said. “Sleep well?”

  “Not as well as you.” He winked at me and I searched his face.

  “What are you talking about?” I could feel my face going red.

  “You’re not the quietest in the bedroom, Janie.” He grinned at me and then laughed when my jaw dropped open. “Don’t worry, I won’t let your secret out of the bag.” He shook his head. “Though honestly, I don’t quite understand what’s going on here?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Why did Nate ask me to date you and why did you agree to go on a date with me if you two are into each other?”

  “We’re not into each other. It’s not like that.”

  “I’d say it was like that.” He winked at me. “I have to admit I was slightly jealous.”

  “Only slightly?” I asked and winked at him.

  “Well you know. Anabel seems like quite the girl.” He looked over at her and then back at me. “But I’m not going to bother with all that. She looks like the sort of girl that wants more than I can give.”

  “And I didn’t?” I pouted.

  “You don’t want me to answer that question, do you?” He put his hand on my knee and laughed as he leaned forward. “Janie, you’re gorgeous and sexy and I very badly wanted to have you in my bed,” he whispered in my ear and I could feel my face going red.

  “What’s going on here then?” Nate suddenly popped up next to us, glaring down at me. “Janie?”

  “What do you mean, what’s going on? We’re talking.”

  “Oh?” He looked at Dylan’s hand still on my knee. “Talking about what?”

  “I was just telling Janie that she’s the sort of girl that makes me want to give up my playboy lifestyle.” Dylan wore an innocent face as he looked at me. “I’m so glad that I met you, Janie. I think that this is going to be the beginning of a really beautiful friendship.”

  “I think so as well. Thanks, Dylan.” I smiled at him warmly and I could feel Nate’s dark gaze on me.

  “I need to talk to you.” He grabbed my arm and pulled me up. “Now,” he said as I gazed at him curiously, my heart thudding.

  “What do you need to talk about, Nate?” I asked him, trying not to roll my eyes.

  “What was Dylan saying to you?” he asked me suspiciously.

  “He was asking me if I wanted to go to dinner with him tonight. Just the two of us,” I lied as I stared at his mutinous face. “He wanted to treat me to a fancy lobster dinner.”

  “And you told him no.” His lips were thin.

  “I said I’d ask Anabel if she minded.” I looked back at Dylan who was staring at us with a knowing look on his face. I gave him a small little wave and he waved back
at me. I turned back to Nate and I could see that his expression was furious.

  “So you fuck me last night and tonight you fuck Dylan?” he hissed at me, his eyes sparking darts at me.

  “How dare you talk to me like that?" I seethed at him and I poked my finger into his chest. “If you ever speak to me like that again, I will never talk to you.”

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that.” He sighed. “I just don’t understand why you’re into Dylan. Especially after last night.”

  “What do you mean, especially after last night? You said it was just a hookup.”

  “Yeah, but has anyone ever made you come so many times in one night?” he asked with a grin.

  “Nate, you’re so conceited,” I said as I shook my head at him. I wasn’t going to admit to him that he was the best lover that I had ever had. He didn’t need to know that.

  “Is it conceited to be confident?” He ran his hands through his hair and his blue eyes were light with mischief. “If you’ve forgotten how good it felt, I can give you a small reminder.”

  “Excuse me?” I asked him in shock. “What are you saying?”

  “I’m saying that your bikini right now looks really hot and it’s making me think really dirty thoughts.”

  “Is that really all you think about, Nate?” I shook my head at him. “Everything is centered around sex in your mind. Don’t you care about anything more than that?”

  “Sorry what?” He looked shocked and grabbed my wrist, but I yanked it away from him. “What are you talking about? I was just flirting with you. Is that not okay?”

  “Maybe you should think about my wants and wishes and not just yours,” I heaved out. “Some friend you are.”

  “Wait, what? Are you mad at me?” He blinked slowly as he surveyed my face. “What’s going on here, Janie? I don’t understand.”

  “What don’t you understand?” I looked around and saw Anabel looking at us. She gave me a questioning look and I nodded and I saw her heading over to us. “Anyways, it doesn’t matter, Nate. It just doesn’t matter.”

  “We need to talk if you’re upset,” he said softly. “I didn’t mean to upset you. I forget how sensitive you can be at times.”

  “Yeah, it’s all me. I’m just so sensitive.”

  “That’s not what I said, jeez.” He stared at me hard. “What’s going on, Janie?”

  “Nothing, it doesn’t matter.”

  “Obviously something is going on. I know you well enough to know when you’re upset.”

  “I’m not upset.”

  “Janie, I’m your best friend. I can read you like the back of my hand.”

  “I don’t think you can read her like the back of your hand.” Anabel joined us and I’d never been more grateful to have her join our conversation. “What’s up guys?”

  “Janie.” Nate looked at me and ignored Anabel. “Are you going to tell me what’s wrong?”

  “Nothing is wrong,” I said and gave him a big smile. I was not going to let myself cry. It really wasn’t even his fault. It was my fault for being an idiot. I shouldn’t have slept with him. How did I tell him that I didn’t like his flirting and teasing because it didn’t mean anything to him? Not like it meant to me. It seemed to me that I was doing everything wrong. Nothing was going according to plan, but that shouldn’t have surprised me. I should have known that this plan was not going to work. None of the other plans I’d made in my life had gone accordingly. Especially when it came to love. I thought back to how I’d initially met him in college and how excited I’d gotten when I’d thought we had a chance. And then I remembered the complete and utter disappointment and rejection when he hadn’t shown up for dinner and I’d found out he had been with another girl. The shame and hurt flared up in me again in that moment. I was fed up with fighting for this guy. If he wanted me, he needed to come after me. He needed to want me. He needed to fight for me. I wasn’t going to do it anymore. I was already too far in. I couldn’t become even more invested. I didn’t want to love him if he wasn’t going to love me.

  “You want to sit down, Janie?” Anabel asked me. “So, it looks like there are two snorkeling spots and Shark Ray Alley will actually be the second spot we go to.”

  “Oh?”

  “Yeah, the first spot we hit is called Hol Chan Marine Reserve.” She smiled at me. “And there are no sharks there, so you don’t have to be nervous.”

  “Okay.” I laughed. “I already told you that if a shark eats me I’m never talking to you again.”

  “I’ll save you if a shark tries to eat you.” A handsome shirtless man walking by us interrupted our conversation and winked at me.

  “Why thank you,” I said with a flirtatious smile.

  “It would be my pleasure.” He grinned at me. “By the way, I’m …” His voice trailed off as he noticed Nate glaring at him moodily. “I’ll catch you later.” He nodded abruptly and walked away.

  “How rude of you, Nate,” Anabel said to him with an angry voice. “Why are you cockblocking, Janie?”

  “I don’t think she needs to be hooking up with strange guys, do you?” he snapped and then turned away from us and walked to the other side of the boat.

  “That dude needs to get a personality adjustment,” Anabel said with a sigh. “I have no idea what you see in him.” She shook her head. “Come on, let’s go and sit down and enjoy the day.”

  ***

  “I’m so hungry.” Anabel and I walked with hooked arms into the apartment. “Can we just shower and get ready to go?” I asked her with a small smile. “By the way that was so amazing.”

  “Wasn’t it just?” she said, her eyes still bright with excitement. “I can’t believe there were so many sharks in the water.”

  “It was crazy.” I nodded in agreement, though my body was still running on high adrenaline from the experience. “I can’t believe we swam with sharks in open water.”

  “They were only nurse ray sharks, guys.” Nate joined the conversation. “It’s not like they were great whites.”

  “No need to be a Debbie Downer, Nate,” I chided him. “It was still a cool experience.”

  “I agree. It was a cool experience.” His eyes searched mine and I could see a sadness reflected there. “I had a good time. We saw some pretty awesome fish as well.”

  “Yeah we did,” I agreed. “So are you guys down to eat as soon as we shower and change?”

  “I’m so down.” Dylan nodded, his face red from the sun, as he’d forgotten to put sunblock on. “Though I might have to come back early. I’ve got a wicked burn.”

  “I can see that.” I gave him a sympathetic smile. “Does it hurt?”

  “It’s not so bad, but would be better if you gave it a little kiss.” He flirted with me and I leaned forward and kissed his forehead lightly.

  “There you go. All better,” I said with a small laugh.

  “Well, it would be even better if that kiss was a little lower.” He winked at me and I was about to laugh again, when I felt Nate’s hand on my wrist.

  “I need to talk to you, Janie.” He sounded annoyed again and I just rolled my eyes at Anabel. She offered me a weak smile back and I noticed that she looked upset as well. She couldn’t be upset because I’d kissed Dylan on the forehead could she? I was about to give her a questioning look when Nate pulled me into his bedroom.

  “What is your problem, dude?” I asked him with a glare as I turned around to face him. Also, you need to stop manhandling me. You can’t keep grabbing me and saying we need to talk.”

  “Why did you kiss, Dylan?” He almost shouted at me.

  “What are you talking about?” I shook my head at him. “I didn’t kiss him.”

  “Just now.” He glared at me. “What was that about? And what was today about? What’s with the attitude?”

  “I don’t have an attitude, Dylan. I have no idea what you’re talking about. You’re the one with the attitude.”

  “Are you upset because we slept together last night?
” he asked me softly. “Are you having second thoughts?”

  “No.” I looked down, feeling embarrassed. Could he read my mind?

  “I had fun last night and I hope you didn’t think I was taking advantage of you because we’d had some drinks.” He sighed and ran his hands through his hair in frustration. “I don’t know what’s going on with you, Janie. You’re driving me crazy.”

  “I’m not trying to drive you crazy.” I sighed. “I just don’t know if it was a good idea for us to sleep together.”

  “So now you’d rather be with Dylan instead? Is that what you’re saying?”

  “No, Nate. That’s not what I’m saying.” I sighed. “Look, I don’t know if you’ve noticed but I think Anabel might have a thing for him.” I knew as I said the words that I was right and that I was going to have to stop flirting around with Dylan. I had to stop for Anabel. She would never ask me to stop, but I knew that I was hurting her. She was most probably jealous of the attention Dylan was giving me and that wasn’t fair to her, if she really liked him. I couldn’t play around with him just to make Nate jealous, if it was going to hurt her.

  “So? What’s that got to do with anything?” Nate said with a slight frown.

  “Anabel likes Dylan and I think he might like her,” I said, talking slowly. Was he really that dense? “And what sort of girl do you think I am that would sleep with you last night and then try and sleep with another guy tonight?”

  “I don’t know.” He shrugged. “Many girls sleep around. I know you said you’re trying to have fun. Maybe you’re just trying to do you.”

  “What?” I shook my head at him. “You know what, Nate, I just can’t with you right now.” I was seething with anger and hurt. “But you’re right about one thing. I’m going to just do me, from now on.”

  “What does that mean?” He looked annoyed.

  “What do you think it means?” I put my hand up in the air and spun around. “Now excuse me, I’m going to shower. I need to change and I want to eat,” I said and with that I left the room. I looked around as I closed his door and Nate was just standing there with his mouth slightly open and his eyes narrowed. I could tell he was in shock. He’d never seen this side of me before. And I was glad. Now he knew he couldn’t just take me for granted. As I walked out of the room, I realized that I felt like I was still in college. I felt like I was still a young girl, making poor and immature decisions. It was time for me to grow up. It was time for me to take my life in my hands. If Nate wasn’t going to give me what I wanted then I needed to find someone else that would. There was no need for games anymore. I couldn’t do that anymore. Not now. I had to grow up. Now was the time. Now was the time to focus on me.