Carry My Heart Read online

  CARRY MY HEART

  J. S. COOPER

  CONTENTS

  Untitled

  Untitled

  Acknowledgments

  Prologue

  Untitled

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Untitled

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Chapter 13

  Chapter 14

  Chapter 15

  Chapter 16

  Chapter 17

  Chapter 18

  Chapter 19

  Chapter 20

  Chapter 21

  Untitled

  EXCLUSIVE TEASER

  Prologue

  Chapter 22

  Chapter 23

  Chapter 24

  Chapter 25

  Also by J. S. Cooper

  Carry My Heart

  J. S. Cooper

  “Jacob Phillips was my best friend.

  He was my first love.

  We shared our first kiss together.

  He broke my heart.”

  Sage Weston and Jacob Phillips met as children at Little Kitty Orphanage. They had the type of friendship that could weather any storm and they vowed that they would always be there for each other. And then Jacob was adopted, and everything changed. At first, the letters were fast and furious but then they stopped, and Sage was left all alone.

  Four years later, Sage and Jacob bump into each other at a university party. Sparks fly, daggers are drawn, and Sage wants nothing to do with Jacob or the bevy of women that seem to follow him everywhere he goes. Then Sage loses a bet, and she can no longer avoid Jacob. Though she does everything she can to let him know that they are no longer friends.

  But Jacob has plans and is determined for Sage to know the truth about what happened four years ago, even if it costs him everything.

  This book is a work of fiction. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is entirely coincidental. Names, characters, businesses, organizations, places, events, and incidents are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously.

  Copyright © 2018 by J. S. Cooper

  Created with Vellum

  Acknowledgments

  Thank you to all of the members of the J. S. Cooper Street Team for all of their support during the last few months. Special thanks goes out to all the readers that have helped to promote Carry My Heart. And to all the beta readers that provided feedback during different stages of the book, a very huge thanks. I would also like to thank my proofreader Marla Esposito for always making time for my work!

  This book is dedicated to anyone that believes in true love.

  Prologue

  Ten seconds

  That was how long it took for him to come back into my life.

  Seven words

  “I didn’t know how to tell you.”

  Three nights

  That moment when his hands finally touched me, and I couldn’t breathe.

  Twenty lifetimes

  How long it will take me to forget him.

  One choice

  I knew it would break me, but I couldn’t stop myself.

  “I bet you can’t guess my favorite part of your body.” Jacob’s fingers lightly traced my collarbone and I trembled at his touch as he leaned forward to kiss me.

  “I bet I can.” I grinned at him.

  “It’s not something naughty.” He grinned at me as his tongue slid up my neck.

  “You’re not trying to tell me that my neck is your favorite part, are you?” My eyes narrowed as I gazed at him. He started laughing as his eyes shone at me. His fingers reached down and cupped my breast and I gasped as his fingers tenderly played with me.

  “Of course not, silly.” He leaned in and kissed my neck tenderly. “Though, I do love your silky soft skin.”

  “Jacob,” I said with my eyes wide open and shocked. Even though I delighted in his touch, I didn’t want him to know that I was falling for his smooth tongue. “You’re a goofball.”

  “I might be a goofball, but I’m your goofball,” he said, and my eyes looked over to his and stared. My heart raced at his sentimental words and I swallowed hard. I tried to blink back tears as I looked at him and I could feel myself trembling from emotions so deep, I’d almost forgotten they’d existed.

  “What’s wrong, Sage?” He blinked at me, his face suddenly serious as I pulled away from him. “What’s wrong?”

  “I can’t do this.” I shook my head at him. “I can’t do this.” I jumped up and grabbed my dress and pulled it back over my body. “Sorry, I have to go.”

  “Sage, what’s wrong? What did I do?” He jumped up as well, confusion on his face. “Please, please tell me what’s wrong?”

  “You’re not my goofball . . .” My voice trailed off as I remembered the past. “I’m sorry. I have to go.” And with that I grabbed my bag and fled from his apartment, tears streaming down my face as I remembered that evening so many years ago. That evening that reminded me that I could never let myself invest in Jacob Phillips again.

  CARRY MY HEART

  Chapter One

  EIGHT YEARS AGO

  It all started with some letters. We were both thirteen and orphans at Little Kitty Orphanage. I was there because I’d been abandoned by my mother at the age of seven. I’d never known my father and it seemed like the guy that my mother had chosen to be my stepfather wanted her and not me. And so my mother promptly dumped me and was never heard from again. Jacob’s story was a little different, though he never actually spoke of his background. I heard his story through the grapevine, from other orphans. Jacob’s parents had been in high school and in love when they’d had him. They’d run away so that they could be together and raise him (both of their parents had threatened to disown them). He’d been a love child. That term always made me jealous, “Love Child.” I couldn’t imagine what it would be like to have been wanted. How that would make you feel. The pastor at our local church would always tell us that God was our father and our mother and that he was always looking out for us, but sometimes I wondered if that was true. It would have been nice to have physical parents to reinforce the love.

  Anyway, I’ve gone off course. Back to Jacob. His parents loved him, wanted him, gave up the world for him and then they were killed in a car crash. Some drunken truck driver hit them on a highway that night and they died instantly. The crazy part of the story is that Jacob was found alive, his body protected by both parents on each side. I don’t know if that part is true, but just wow. That’s love for you. Granted, Jacob never told me these stories himself, so they might not be true.

  We had one of those slow starting friendships. You know the kind. Our friendship was like a candle; one of those slow to light burning candles that ends up shining longer and brighter than all the fancier more expensive candles. When I first met Jacob, I didn’t like him. He seemed too happy, too eager to please, too quick with a smile. I didn’t want to be one of his fans, like all the other kids at Little Kitty’s Orphanage, but I just couldn’t stop myself. I was drawn in like a moth to a flame who couldn’t stop herself, even as it got hotter and hotter the closer I got to him. Even though I knew that he could burn me in the worst possible way.

  Jacob Phillips was like a breath of fresh air in our orphanage, and when he arrived he brought a light that had not existed before him. Even though he and I were both ten when he arrived, we couldn’t have been more different. I was introverted, shy, and I found it hard to open up. He was extroverted, talkative and wanted everyone to be his friend. He almost acte
d as if he wasn’t parentless. It made me envy him. How was he able to be so cheery all of the time? Didn’t it hit him the way that it hit me when I realized that I was unlovable? That nobody wanted me. There’s something to be said about the trauma that goes through one’s head when you grow up as an orphan and never find a family. You question every single thing about yourself and you ask, why you aren’t good enough. So from ten to thirteen, I observed him from afar, but I never spoke to him. It’s a little crazy if you think about it. I never spoke to him for three years, but I saw him every day. It was only when we turned thirteen that we had our first conversation. He walked up to me on my birthday and he said, “Okay, you’re a teenager now, Sage. I think we’ve had enough time to admire each other from afar. Now we can talk.” I’d stared at him in shock. To be honest, I’d thought he’d also disliked me because he had never tried to talk to me either. Not once. Not in all those years. Though he had smiled at me from time to time.

  “Admire each other?” I’d stared at him in confusion and I hadn’t understood the weird happy confusion that had blossomed in me as he’d smiled at me in his goofy innocent way.

  “Yeah, I think we should take it to the next level. We should be friends now. We should talk to each other.”

  “Maybe I don’t want to be friends.” I’d stared at him and tossed my hair. “Have you thought about that?”

  “No.” He shook his head, the smile never leaving his face. “I know I want to be friends and that should be good enough.”

  “But what about what I want?”

  “Why don’t you want to be friends, Sage Weston?” He peered into my eyes, his seeming too wise for his thirteen years. “We don’t have many people in our situation that can understand our lives. I would think you’d want to be friends.”

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” My face had reddened then, and my stomach had twisted in pain as it always did when I remembered that I was family-less, loveless.

  “I would like us to be friends. And now that I know that you can talk that will make the process easier. I don’t have to learn sign language now.”

  “You knew I could talk, Jacob Phillips.” I rolled my eyes dramatically as I gazed at him and he beamed at me. He looked at me with innocent wide eyes and I couldn’t stop myself from giggling.

  “So you know my full name.” He grinned. “There’s a start.”

  “You weren’t going to learn sign language for me.”

  “Wanna bet?” he said and then he started to do something with his fingers. I stared at him in confusion.

  “What’s that?” I asked him.

  “I’m signing that it’s very nice to make your acquaintance, Sage Weston.” He bowed at me in a formal manner and I couldn’t stop myself from laughing.

  “Jacob, are you really signing that?”

  “No.” He grinned. “But it would have been cool if I was, right?”

  “Oh my gosh.” I shook my head at him. “Really?”

  “Yes, really. So, now we’ve actually spoken for ten minutes, can we call this the beginning of our wonderful friendship?”

  “Hmmm.” I paused, and a wicked thought hit me. “I’ll think about it, but if you really want to be friends, we should start with letters.”

  “Letters?” He frowned. “What do you mean letters?”

  “I mean, we write letters back and forth to each other. Like pen pals.”

  “Pen pals?” he repeated after me. “But why? We live in the same building.”

  “Because that’s what I want.” I shrugged. “If you want to be friends, we start with letters.”

  “For how long?” He looked thoughtful.

  “Until I say.” My heart was thudding. He wasn’t actually considering writing letters back and forth was he? I’d only made the suggestion to get him to back off. He made me uncomfortable. He was too happy, too eager, too interested in being my friend. I didn’t understand why.

  “Okay.” He put his hand out. “Let’s shake on it.”

  “You’re going to do it?”

  “Of course.” He nodded. “Anything to prove to you that I want to be your best friend.”

  “What?” My jaw dropped. “Why would you want to be my best friend?”

  “Because.” It was his turn to shrug and he looked down for a second before looking back up at me. “Just because.”

  “Okay,” I said and left it at that because, in that moment, I knew that there was more to Jacob than met the eye. He was deeper and more introspective than I thought. Maybe he was being genuine in his own way. That was the first time I’d felt my heart melt just a little bit. Maybe I could have a best friend. A real friend. A lifetime friend. That was the first time, I’d let myself believe that maybe something like that was possible for me. “We’ll start with letters and see how it goes from there.”

  “Awesome,” he said, and I watched as he ran his hands through his hair. “The first letter will come tomorrow.”

  “Great,” I said.

  “Great,” he said and with that, he turned around and walked away.

  I stood there with my heart racing. Everything in my life felt like it had changed at that moment and I didn’t understand why. I was both scared and excited.

  The Letters

  Sage,

  I don’t want to write this letter. I think it’s pointless, but you said you wanted a letter a day, so here we go. See you later.

  Jacob

  Jacob,

  Thank you for writing me a letter. It means a lot to me. It’s not pointless. When we’re old and gray, we will look back at these letters and smile. Thank you for writing the first one. Though, it didn’t have to be on the back of a cereal box.

  Sage

  Sage,

  I didn’t have any paper. And I knew you’d expect the letter when I saw you in bible study class. Why do you write so formally in your letters?

  Jacob

  Jacob,

  Our words represent us as nothing else will right now. I think it’s important for us to talk as properly as possible. You know I didn’t expect to get your letter in bible study class because you rarely ever come. You’re a born sinner, aren’t you?

  Sage

  Sage,

  Maybe that’s why I’m an orphan. I knew there had to be a reason my parents died. Now I know why. It’s because I’m a sinner.

  Jacob

  Jacob,

  You’re horrible. You know that, right? Thank you for the Twix bar with my last letter. Not sure where you got it from, but I appreciate it. You’re staring at me from across the room as I write this, and I know you know I’m writing to you. I can tell from the smirk on your face that you think it’s pointless for us to write these letters when we could just talk in person, but these letters are important to me. They’re something tangible for us to keep. To always remind us of each other.

  Sage

  Sage,

  I was looking at you from across the room as you wrote your last letter, but it wasn’t because I thought we should be talking in person. It was because you had a streak of chocolate across your cheek. I thought it was funny that a neat freak like you would be sitting there all dirty.

  Jacob

  P.S. You think my letters will be worth millions when I’m rich and famous, huh?

  Jacob,

  Millions of what? M&M’s? What would you be famous for? Pray tell.

  Sage

  Sage,

  There you go with your religious references again. Ha ha. You mean you don’t think my writing skills will make me millions? If not my skills with words, maybe my good looks will do it?

  Jacob

  Jacob,

  What good looks are you talking about?

  Sage

  Sage,

  You’re wasting paper by only writing one sentence. The trees are crying right now. Don’t you care about the environment? And what do you mean what good looks? I see you staring at my face every day.

  Jacob

  Ja
cob,

  You know that song that goes, “you’re so vain, you probably think this song is about you”? Well, replace song with letter and you get my point. If you didn’t want to write to me, then you should have said so. I don’t want to think that I forced you to do something you didn’t want to do.

  Sage

  Sage,

  Why are you so defensive? I never do anything I don’t want to do. And your letter is incorrect. Your letter was about me, so that means I’m not vain. Got ya.

  Jacob

  Jacob,

  I don’t even know what to say. Except for I won’t dignify your ego with a response to your comment. Have you been studying for exams yet? I noticed yesterday that you were playing baseball with Tommy, even though you had a math exam today. I hope it went well.

  Sage

  Sage,

  Isn’t it sweet that you care how I do on my exams? I knew that you had a heart in there somewhere. I actually studied after I played baseball and I’m pretty sure I aced the exam. Algebra is my jam, if you know what I mean? How are your exams going? Need me to tutor you at all?

  Jacob

  Jacob,

  My exams are going well, thank you very much. I’m glad to hear you did study.

  Sage

  Sage,

  Why was your last message so short? I was very disappointed. It almost made me want to go up to you and talk in person. Is everything okay? It looked as if you were crying last night.

  Jacob

  Jacob,

  I didn’t realize you cared about the length of my letters. Would you rather I write a tome? I was reading a book called Little Women last week. And I just finished it the other day. Something rather sad happens in the book (a character I loved died) and that made me cry. I was also upset because two characters that I thought would get married and live happily ever after never got together.

  Sage

  Sage,

  Who knew you were such a softie at heart? I’ve never read Little Women. Surprise, surprise. Maybe you can tell me more about it in person.