Disillusioned Read online

  countless book bloggers have fallen hard for j.s. cooper’s ILLUSION

  “I loved the unique plot and the mystery woven into the storyline . . .”

  —Harlequin Junkies

  “Bianca and Jakob have stolen a piece of my heart . . .”

  —A Bookish Escape

  “The end of this book will answer a lot of questions, and then create new ones. . . . Also, it’s worth noting that this is a trilogy, so I guess I’ll be getting some anxiety meds.”

  —After Dark Book Lovers

  “A cold shower is necessary (need I say more?). Some books should come with a warning—make sure your significant other is handy or your shower is in working order.”

  —Seduced by a Book

  “Illusion is loaded with red-hot sexual tension, a budding romance that will make you swoon, and . . . J.S. Cooper has a gift of building a mystery that is unpredictable.”

  —Smut Books Junkie

  “Illusion is the book readers are calling a roller-coaster ride of emotions. It’s achingly sexy, steaming hot, full of romance, and has suspense that will keep you guessing until the last page . . . It had me on the edge of my seat.”

  —Smokin’ Hot Book Reviews

  “The Swept Away series by J.S. Cooper is fervently romantic plus ingeniously mysterious.”

  —Sensual Reads

  “OMG OMG OMG OMG!!! This book was AMAZING! . . . If you are looking for a book that is different than the rest of the cookie-cutter books out there and wanting something with some great action and mystery then this is the book for you! 5 Stars!”

  —Turning Pages at Midnight

  Thank you for downloading this Gallery Books eBook.

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  To the stars. There are no more clouds.

  acknowledgments

  This book was a labor of love. Thank you to Tanya Kay Skaggs, Katrina Jaekley, Stacy Hahn, Tianna Croy, Cilicia White, Kathy Corbett Shreve, and Gillian Hedges for your excitement as you read this book chapter by chapter. Thank you to all the J.S. Cooper Indie Agents and readers for your overwhelming support of my work. Thank you to my editor, Abby Zidle, for pointing out errors and mistakes in a way that doesn’t make me feel like I failed the human race. Thank you to my agent, Rebecca Friedman, for always being there to offer a listening ear and to providing feedback that is always helpful. Thank you to my good friend Emily Fauquet for driving me to Barnes & Noble so that I could see and buy Illusion in a bookstore. Thank you to Violeta Bermudez-Estrella for making me take a photo with the Illusion paperback after I bought it and posting it all over Instagram. Thank you to all the readers that sent me messages excited to see a book of mine in a bookstore. Your excitement and my excitement were one and the same. Thank you to Katherine Brown for being my biggest supporter from my hot-prof blogging days to now. I can still remember live blogging Grey’s Anatomy every week knowing you were going to read it and comment. And I was just as excited to have one reader as I am to have many more now. Thanks to my mum for finally buying two copies of Illusion after I begged you several times to look for the book in the bookstore. It doesn’t matter if I have a copy at home, you still need to buy it, mum! And as always, thanks be to God for all of His blessings.

  prologue

  The moment the world changed colors all seems like a dream now. I always think back to that moment and it always plays back slightly differently in my head. You’d think I’d have remembered every single word and action from that day, but I don’t. Each kiss and each sentence is muddled in my mind and the replay is always unique, however, I will never forget the way that I felt.

  “Did you really think I’d let you go, Bianca?” His voice sounded muffled as he whispered in my ear softly through the material that was tied around my eyes and across my ears. “Did you think I’d just give up?” The tip of his tongue trailed from the inside of my ear and down the side of my neck. I shivered in the cool room as I strained to move my hands. The rope was tight around my wrists and I struggled in the bed.

  “Why are you doing this, Mattias?” I said as his lips pressed against mine roughly.

  “Because you want me to.” He bit down on my lower lip and tugged gently. “And because I want to.” He leaned down closer to me and I breathed in his scent, wallowing in the smell of his cologne. The first time I’d smelled him I’d instinctively been attracted to him. I could still remember being in the back of the dark car with him the night I’d been kidnapped. My eyes felt heavy as I thought about his betrayal. How could Jakob have done this to me? How could I have not known he was Mattias?

  “You need to trust me, Bianca.” His voice was monotone as he kissed me again, and I tried to avoid breathing in his smell.

  “You said that last time,” I whispered, and my body froze as I smelled him again. This time every nerve in my body tingled with shock as the bold musk of the familiar cologne hit me, sending shock waves through my body. His kiss was searching and demanding; wanting something that had been forbidden to him. I lay there, unmoving, trying not to betray my fear.

  “I want to make you mine, Bianca. We can make this work.” His voice deepened and I tried not to cringe as I felt his fingers in my hair. I remained tight-lipped, scared that my voice would give something away.

  “No,” I said softly, and he froze, confirming what I already knew. “I know who you are.” This time my voice was stronger.

  “That’s why this will be so very enjoyable, Bianca,” he muttered, and kissed my cheek before stepping back. “Let the games begin.”

  one

  One Week Earlier

  “Bianca, open up!” I could hear Jakob’s voice through the open window. My heart broke at the sound of worry in his tone. At one time, I would have believed that the concern was for me and my well-being. Now I knew better. Now I knew all Jakob cared about was finding out what I knew and scaring me into trusting him. My body shivered as the cool ocean breeze washed over my trembling skin. I held on to the railing of the balcony and said a quick prayer before I prepared to jump to the next one. It was only a couple of yards away, but I just knew that those couple of yards of space were waiting to pull me down like a dead weight. I looked down at the drop between the two balconies and sank to the floor in fear, unable to take the leap.

  “Bianca!” Jakob’s voice was louder as I heard a loud crack coming from inside the bathroom. Adrenaline kicked in—I forced myself to my feet and over the rail at last. “Bianca, stop,” he shouted at me as he poked his head out of the bathroom window.

  “One, two, three. You got this.” I took a deep breath and jumped. My ankle caught the railing and I screamed as I landed with a thud on the balcony of the next room.

  “Bianca, are you okay?” His silky tone almost deceived me as I struggled to get up. I heard him walking onto the balcony I’d just left, and I scrambled to open the sliding door that led to the bedroom. The lights were off and my heart was beating fast as I tried to open the door.

  “Open, please, open.” I bit my lower lip as I tugged frantically on the handle.

  “Bianca, please, don’t make me come over there.”

  “Don’t even think about it!” I shouted as I turned to look at him.

  His blue eyes were focused on my face as he stood a mere couple of yards away. “You can’t get in there.” He shook his head. “The door’s locked and the room is vacant.”

  “How do you know that?”

  “I made sure of that fact when we arrived.” He shrugged. “I didn’t want us to have any di
stractions.”

  “You mean you didn’t want me to find out the truth!” I shouted, anger making me brave. I stared at his profile as he looked at something in the distance. His face looked so familiar, so ruggedly handsome, so much like that of the Jakob I’d come to have feelings for that my heart broke when he turned to look back at me.

  “Why are you running from me, Bianca?”

  “Do you think I’m crazy?” I shook my head and tightened the bathrobe belt around my waist. “Do you think I’d stay with you after what I heard?”

  “What do you think you heard, Bianca?”

  “What do I think I heard?” I repeated. “Help me, somebody help me!” I screamed into the night air, hoping a passing stranger or another hotel guest might hear my cries.

  “Bianca, calm down.” He grimaced as he stared at me. “Take some deep breaths and stop panicking. Let your common sense control the situation, not your fear.”

  “What?” My eyes narrowed as I stared at him, my heart racing fast.

  “I was on a deserted island with you, Bianca. I know how your mind works.”

  “It’s a pity I don’t know how your mind works, Jakob,” I said sarcastically, my fear dissipating as I stared at him. He wouldn’t hurt me, would he? He hadn’t hurt me on the island. He hadn’t done anything to make me scared of him. I had to believe that he wasn’t looking to hurt me now. But I couldn’t fathom how I’d given myself to this man. I’d made love to him. I’d trusted him. I could feel hysteria bubbling to the surface as I stared at his naked chest, muscular and toned in the moonlight. Laughter erupted, flowing out of me with abandon, sounding manic and crazy in the still night.

  “Bianca?” His eyes narrowed and his face looked worried as I continued laughing.

  “That’s my name, Jakob,” I said eventually, after my laughter had subsided and all that was left was a dry throat and a heavy heart.

  “What is it you think you know?” He leaned over and I stepped back.

  “I don’t think I know. I know that I know.” I glared at him, the anger in me giving me the strength to face him. “I heard you speaking to that man. You told him that Steve deviated from the plan. What plan is that, huh? We were on an island with a crazy man that both of us didn’t know. Now I know that’s not the truth. Now I know that we weren’t both kidnapped. You weren’t there as an innocent bystander with me, were you?” My voice caught as the depths of his deviousness hit me fully. “You could have killed me. I don’t even know you. I don’t know what you’re capable of . . . if you could kidnap me and lie to my face, what else could you do?”

  “I would never hurt you, Bianca. You have to believe that. That’s not who I am.” His voice was filled with emotion as he gazed at me, a calm look on his face. How could he be so cool, when everything was crumbling around him? All his lies were coming out now.

  “Why did you lie to me?” My voice trembled as I stared at the man I’d just spent a week with, believing that he’d been kidnapped as well. “You knew Steve.” I bit my lower lip as the enormity of that statement hit me. “You knew he didn’t just happen to be lost on the same island. You sent him there to be with us. You planned this.”

  “You think I planned your kidnapping and my own?” The surprise in the way he said the words made me feel ridiculous, but I knew what I’d heard.

  “And I spoke to David and—well, you’re Mattias, aren’t you?” My voice dropped and I looked out at the night sky. I could see the waves of the ocean crashing against the rocks from where I was standing. The blackness of the sky was illuminated by a million radiant white stars. The setting was as romantic as it could be, yet I felt no appreciation for its beauty.

  “You think I’m Mattias?” he asked simply.

  I looked into his eyes, seeking out an answer in his dark pupils. “Well, aren’t you? Mattias went to such lengths to avoid me when I was dating his brother—obviously you wanted to keep your identity a secret since you were planning to abduct me.”

  “You think Mattias is bad?” He took a small step forward on his balcony.

  “I think you’re bad, yes.”

  His eyes crinkled then and I saw them narrow for a second before he looked away and mumbled something to himself.

  “What did you say?” I asked, unable to stop myself.

  “You make this so goddamn hard, Bianca,” he growled. I swallowed nervously. I could see his nostrils flaring as the breeze sent another chill down my spine. My eyes involuntarily fell to his crotch, and when I looked back up, a half smile was on his face. “I didn’t say me.”

  “What?” I blushed, looking away from him, an inner heat warming me involuntarily. I stared at some palm trees a couple hundred yards away. They were swaying back and forth and I watched as a coconut fell to the ground.

  “I said this situation was hard, not me.” His voice was soft and provocative, trying to lure me back to him.

  “I never said you were hard.” I looked back at him, my nerve almost failing when I looked into his eyes and saw the gentle, teasing Jakob I had gotten to know on the island.

  “But you were hoping I was, weren’t you?” he teased me again and stepped forward. My heart stopped as he grabbed a hold of the railing in front of him.

  “Don’t come over here,” I whispered, my voice cracking. “Please.”

  “Why are you scared of me, Bianca? You know I would never hurt you.” His eyes looked sad and I wondered at his being such a great actor. It was almost ironic, with me being a movie critic. I’d witnessed the greatest performance live and in person, but I hadn’t even known I was being played.

  “How could you make love to me?” My voice dropped and my legs tingled as I thought about the way he had kissed and caressed me just minutes before. My skin felt warm as I remembered the things he had done with his tongue, and I sighed as my body betrayed me. Trust him, it said. Let him hold you and keep you warm. I closed my eyes and took a couple of deep breaths. I needed to focus. I was like Julia Roberts in Sleeping with the Enemy. I needed to be on high alert. I couldn’t allow him to twist the truth and turn me against myself.

  “I made love to you because you’re beautiful. I made love to you because I couldn’t not make love to you. In fact, I want to make love to you right now.” He smiled and then looked at my chest suggestively. “Come, dear Bianca, let’s just go back to bed.”

  “Just tell me two things.” I spoke confidently and felt a surge of pride running through my veins as I hid my fear. “Did you know Steve before he showed up on the island with us? And were you really kidnapped?” I waited for his answers, the events of the last week flashing through my mind like a movie on fast-forward.

  It felt as if just yesterday I was sitting in the bar with my best friend, Rosie, having a glass of wine. She’d gone to the bathroom and I’d blacked out. The next thing I’d known I was in the back of a car tied up with a strange man. A man who’d turned out to be Jakob. I hadn’t trusted him at first, but he had slowly proven himself to me, and I hadn’t been able to resist my attraction to him. Together we’d worked to figure out why we’d been kidnapped. That was what I’d believed in my heart. We’d both talked about our personal histories. I’d told him about my dad’s death and how I’d thought the rich Bradley family had had something to do with my mother’s death. He’d told me about his mother and her heartache when the man she’d loved hadn’t committed to her. And when Steve had showed up—nefarious, deceitful, smarmy Steve—I’d seen the surprise, shock, and distaste on Jakob’s face.

  I thought we’d connected on a deeper level. I’d given myself to him, mind, body, and heart. I’d put my trust and faith in him. Could he have been fooling me all of this time? Could he have done this to me in the first place?

  “Bianca, it’s complicated.” He bit his lower lip and his eyes narrowed again. I could see his tension in the way his shoulders were hunched up. His fists were clenched and I could see a vein throbbing in his forehead.

  I took a step toward him, feeling brave in pu
rsuit of the truth. “Why so worried? Angry that I know the truth?”

  “What truth do you think you know?” He threw his hands up, and I could see his palms were still roughened from his time on the island cracking coconuts and carrying wood. “You need to trust me,” he pleaded.

  “How can I trust you? You lied to me and even now you’re not telling me anything.”

  “What you think you know about Mattias—well, it’s complicated.”

  “You mean what I think I know about you?”

  “It’s complicated, Bianca. You need to just trust me for now, please.”

  “Did you have any involvement with my kidnapping?” I asked softly, and stared at him, our chests rising in unison as we stood mere yards away from one another.

  “Give me your hand,” he said softly, and stretched his arms as forward as they could go.

  “Why?” I shook my head, but didn’t step back. I suppose I was waiting for an answer that would make everything clearer. Something that would show me Jakob wasn’t involved in this whole mess.

  “Please.”

  I found myself reaching my hand forward slowly. I regretted my decision about a second later.

  His fingers squeezed mine tightly and I gasped at the dart of pain that surged through me at his tight grip. “I’m sorry,” he whispered as he stared at me from the other balcony. “I didn’t mean to hurt you, Bianca.”

  “Then let go of me.” I tried to pull it away from him again, but he wouldn’t release me. “Please.”

  “Bianca.” His voice was hoarse. “I can’t let you go.”

  “Why did you lie to me?” I shook my head and stared into his eyes. For a few seconds we were back on the island. For a few seconds it was just us against the world. For a few seconds my heart stopped beating and I was caught up in the magnetism that attracted us to each other. As I stared into his deep blue eyes, I felt a gamut of emotions: pain, anger, sadness, and something akin to love. My heart broke as I saw the same emotions reflected back at me.