Feels Like Love (Feels Like Falling Book 3) Read online

  Feels Like Love

  J. S. Cooper

  Copyright © 2021 by J. S. Cooper

  All rights reserved.

  No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without written permission from the author, except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.

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  Contents

  Blurb

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Chapter 13

  Chapter 14

  Confess Teaser

  Blurb

  We were two perfect strangers in the night…

  My world is crumbling around me.

  My entire family is full of secrets, and now I don’t know who I can trust.

  And then there’s him.

  The man with the dark eyes.

  The man with the scar on his chest.

  The man who wants to be my savior and protector all in one … but I don’t need a knight in shining armor.

  What started as a weekly meeting in a hotel room has now become so much more.

  He’s the answer to all the questions in my life.

  I’m the answer to his salvation.

  Chapter 1

  Have you ever had that feeling where your stomach is sinking and everything around you is spinning? You’re seconds away from fainting to the ground in pure and absolute shock.

  Still conscious, but barely.

  I stared at Jackson. There was a look in his eyes that was something like pity, and I hated him for it. I didn’t need his pity. If he said anything that made me think he felt sorry for me, I’d slap him.

  “I’m sorry, Rosie. I didn’t want you to find out this way.”

  “Didn’t want me to find out this way? How long have you known?” If there was an Oscar for most accusing role, I’d win in a heartbeat.

  “How long have I known what?”

  “How long have you known that James has been fucking my mom?” If he continued playing the dumb role, I’d be out of there. I had zero time for games right now.

  “It’s been going on for two years,” he said gently.

  “Two years?” The blood was rushing in my ears. “So you knew the very first time you met me?”

  “I can’t answer that question.”

  “Why, because it will incriminate you? Because then I’ll actually find out that the reason we met wasn’t by chance?” He shook his head but I barely noticed. “I know I’m a fool, but I’m not that much of a fool, Jackson. I know there’s no way this was all a big coincidence. This was all just one big setup, wasn’t it? You’re no better than my father.”

  “I’m sorry that you feel that way.” He pressed his lips together.

  I could see that he was angry, but I didn’t give two shits. What did he have to be angry about? “What, you got nothing to say to that?”

  “I can understand why you think that.”

  “So you’re not denying it—you knew who I was when we first met?”

  “Come,” he said. He opened the door to another room and led me inside. He turned on the light and I saw that we were in a library. “Close the door behind you.”

  I closed it and turned to look at Jackson, who silently sat down and patted the chair next to him. I just shook my head and walked over to the other side of the table.

  “You can sit next to me, Rosie.”

  “I don’t think so, thank you. So,” I said, leaning my elbows on the table, “are you going to tell me the real truth this time, or have we got another work of fiction coming, Hemmingway?”

  “Rosie, this…” He paused, then banged his fists against the table, startling me. “We shouldn’t be having this conversation here.”

  “Okay, so then why are we?”

  “Because I don’t want you to be upset with me.”

  “I don’t care, Jackson!” I burst out. “I don’t trust you. I don’t believe you. You set me up. I guess you got a good fuck out of it, and now, whatever.”

  “This wasn’t about the sex.”

  “It wasn’t about the sex? You met me at a train station,” my voice was rising now, “you led me to a hotel room where we fucked like fucking bunny rabbits. I thought we were two strangers in the night, but we weren’t. You knew exactly who I was. I was just a fucking fool that didn’t know who you were. You set me up. I bet it was you that took the photographs as well, wasn’t it? What’s your next move? Do you want a million dollars? Is that why you turned down the hundred grand from my mom? Because you’re holding out for more? Is that it?”

  “Rosie, do you fucking think this is about money? Really?”

  He got up and walked over to me, stopped next to my chair. I looked up at him; I could see the vein in his throat popping. He was pissed, but I was pissed too.

  “You’re not going to be the victim here, Jackson, okay? I’m not going to let you become the victim. You’re not gaslighting me, sucker.”

  “Did you just call me a sucker?” His lips twitched, but I didn’t smile back at him. “I’m not trying to be the victim. I don’t think I am the victim, but my feelings … or rather our situation is …” He waved a hand between us. “This is something more complicated than I thought it would be. I didn’t expect this. This was real, okay?”

  “What was real, the sex? I know it was real, I was there.”

  “You know this is about more than sex, Rosie.”

  “No, it’s not.” I rolled my eyes slightly.

  “Yes, it is. I’m helping you figure yourself out. I’m—”

  I started laughing. “You’re helping me figure myself out? Is that a joke? What are you helping me figure out? That I like to be on top? Whatever, I already knew that. You’re not the only man I’ve fucked.”

  “I know this isn’t your true personality, Rosie. I know this is—”

  “You don’t know shit about me, Jackson. I don’t know who paid you or what this is all about, but you don’t know shit about me and my life, so why do—”

  He grabbed my hands and pulled me up. “So then tell me, tell me about yourself.”

  “Why? I don’t have to, and I don’t trust you. Even if I wanted to tell you, I wouldn’t tell you shit.”

  “I understand why you don’t trust me, okay? But this whole thing is a lot more complicated than you think.”

  I paused. “Wait—so does James know about us then?”

  “No.” He shook his head.

  “Am I really supposed to believe that?”

  “Do you think James knows, Rosie? Do you think he’d be engaged to you if he knew you were fucking me?”

  I started laughing, almost hysterically. “But he’s fucking my mom. What sort of fucked up world is this? This is not what I want in my life. This is—”

  “Listen to me, Rosie. I know that your mind is reeling right now. I know that you feel like everything is spinning out of control, but I promise you that I’m not the bad guy here.” He paused. “Okay, I’m not the good guy, but I’m not the bad guy.”

  “So what guy are you then?”

  “I’m the right guy.”

  I stared at him for a few seconds then shook my head. “What the fuck does that mean?”

  “What do you think it means, Rosie?”

  “I don’t know, that’s why I’m asking!”

  “Look, I got into this situation wi
th one purpose in mind, and now I’m somewhere else, okay?”

  “What do you mean now you’re somewhere else?”

  “Now … Now I don’t want to fulfill that purpose.”

  “What was the purpose?”

  “I was meant to ruin your engagement.”

  “You were meant to ruin my engagement? Oh!” I sat back down again. “My mom hired you. She was jealous, she didn’t want me to be with James. She was just pretending, but—”

  “No, Rosie. It wasn’t your mom that hired me.”

  “My dad?” I narrowed my eyes at him. “Why would my dad set this whole thing up if he didn’t want it to go through?”

  “It wasn’t your dad, Rosie.”

  “Then Joey? No, he wouldn’t. Would he? Was it Joey, because I had him beaten up?”

  Jackson let out a deep, long sigh. “It wasn’t Joey.”

  “So then who? Who would do this to me? I just don’t understand.”

  “It was John, Rosie.”

  The world around me went still. For a moment, all I could hear was the beating of my heart. “What?” I whispered. “John? My brother?”

  “Yes, Rosie. It was John. He wants to make you pay for what you did to him.”

  “But I …” I paused. “Oh my God.” I fell back in the chair. “I don’t believe this is my life. Please, God, why?”

  “So you need to tell me everything, okay? Because if I’m going to help you, if I’m going to stop this craziness, I need to know everything.”

  “How can you help me? My entire family hates me and is against me. Oh, I can’t believe John would do this to me.” I was crying now. “He’s my brother, and I love him more than anything. I just—”

  “Rosie, listen to me. I know you’re not looking for a knight in shining armor, and I don’t pretend that I could be one anyway, but I can help you, and I want to help you because what we’ve got is something special, even if you don’t want to admit it. And I know you have no reason to believe me or to trust me, but I care about you and … Look, I just want to help you, okay?” He took a step back, running his hands through his hair. “This is fucking unbelievable,” he muttered.

  I sighed and slumped against the table. “You just told me that my brother is out to ruin my life,” I whispered. “How’s that for unbelievable?”

  Chapter 2

  Have you ever experienced heartbreak? I don’t mean the sort of pain that comes from breaking up with a guy you thought you were in love with or finding out your best friends are telling lies about you behind your back. I’m talking about the sort of pain that comes from hearing that someone you adore has actively tried to hurt you. I sobbed as I sat there. I couldn’t stop the tears from coming. It was as if a switch had been flipped inside of me and I couldn’t stop them from flowing.

  Jackson looked deeply uncomfortable with this storm of tears. I think this was the last reaction he’d expected from me. He probably thought I’d shout and scream or have some sort of witty, ironic comeback. But there was nothing funny about the situation. How could my brother John have done this to me? He was like a piece of my soul, a piece of my heart. He was a piece of me. I hadn’t even gotten over the fact that we didn’t talk, and for him to betray me in this way, it just hurt. It hurt so badly.

  “Why?” I said through tears as I looked up at Jackson. “Why would he do this to me? My own brother.”

  “I didn’t realize he was your brother when he first contacted me.” Jackson walked to the window at the other side of the room and stared out. It was raining outside. There was a somberness both in and outside of the room. It was as if both of our hearts had just been broken, and the earth was sad for us. I didn’t say anything. I didn’t have anything to say, nothing mattered anymore. Jackson turned around and he looked me in the eyes. “Tell me about your brother.”

  “Why? What does it matter?”

  “It matters because I can see you’re in pain.” He walked back over, grabbed a chair, and sat next to me. “You’re really and truly in pain. I’ve never seen you look like this. I wouldn’t have told you if I knew this would have hurt you so much.”

  “How would you know what I look like when I’m in pain or not?”

  “I saw your face when you found out that your mom was sleeping with your fiancé. You were angry, not hurt. I saw your face when you saw Patrick and James. You were shocked and surprised. I even saw your face when I told you about the stalker. Even when we talked about your dad a little bit, that heartbreak, that rawness, it wasn’t there, like it is now. Tell me about your brother.”

  “Why do you care?”

  “You think I’m cold-hearted, don’t you?” He looked chagrined. “You think because I’m tall and muscular and …” His voice drifted away. “I have feelings too, you know.”

  I looked at him thoughtfully. There was a pain in his voice that I hadn’t expected to hear. “Is it related to the scar on your chest?” I asked softly.

  He looked back at me, our eyes searching each other’s, looking for answers to questions we didn’t dare ask. I couldn’t let him see or know just how much he meant to me, because I didn’t really know myself. I couldn’t trust him. He was no one to me, not really. I didn’t know him. He’d been lying to me from the beginning … and yet my heart felt for him. I wanted to reach out and squeeze his hand, but I didn’t.

  “Tell me about your brother, Rosie.” There was a pleading note in his tone, that touched my too-soft heart.

  “My brother, John, he was always my protector,” I began. “He was my best friend.” My voice got hoarse. “He and I did everything together. He was two years older than me. And he was a typical boy, and I was a girly girl, but we just clicked, you know? He loved me more than anything. I always felt the depth of his love for me. We’d run through the fields together. We’d ride our bikes. We’d play explorers. He’d be Marco Polo, and I would be Columbus. We’d pretend to find new countries and new lands. And he always made sure that I felt special. He made me crowns with daisies and picked roses for me. And he kissed me on the cheek and whispered good night every night before bed.”

  My voice broke and tears started rolling down my face. “I miss him so much, you know? He always wanted the best for me, and I always wanted the best for him, as well. I think because we grew up with horrible parents, we learned to depend on each other.”

  “So what happened? Why don’t you speak anymore?”

  “He started dating this girl when we were in college. I blame myself, really. He met her through me.”

  “Oh? She was your friend?”

  “I wouldn’t say friend, per se. We went to some of the same parties. She was a pretty girl, you know? Blonde, blue eyes, but there was a coldness about her. I never felt she was genuine.”

  “In what ways was she was cold?”

  I bit my lip, remembering. “It was like she said all the right things, but the light was never there in her eyes.” I shrugged. “I don’t know. Maybe it had to do with her upbringing. She was from some Eastern European country … Maybe she saw some crazy stuff.”

  “You never asked her?”

  “No.” I shook my head. “We weren’t close like that.”

  “I see.” He nodded. “So this girl and your brother, they started dating?”

  “You could say that, I think it was more like friends with benefits. They went on a couple of casual dates, you know? But I always thought she was a little bit off.”

  “Why?” He frowned and I could see him clenching and unclenching his fists. I was surprised he was so emotional about my story. I hadn’t realized it would affect him so much as well. Maybe he really did care for me, at least more than I’d realized.

  “I don’t know. Little things she said. She’d always ask me how much my shoes cost or my watch. She’d always want to go home to our house. One time, I saw her online on one of those real estate websites, looking up the valuation of our house. It was weird, you know? It seemed like she cared more about the money than anything else
.”

  “So she was a gold digger?”

  “Yeah, I guess so.” I bit my lip and sighed. “And she flirted with everyone, you know? One time, we took a class together, and I had to go and see the professor, and I walked in and … Something just seemed off. Her lipstick was smudged, and he was pushing his shirt into his pants. I don’t know. It just seemed like she was willing to do whatever it took to get the right grades and to get money.”

  “But did you see her actually doing anything with him? Or did you just assume?”

  “I guess I just assumed,” I grumbled, feeling defensive. “I mean, what would you think?”

  He ignored the question. “So then what happened?”

  “Then she and my brother started dating a little bit more seriously. He told me one night that he was in love with her. He thought she was the one.”

  “Oh, wow.”

  “Yeah, you can say that again. I couldn’t believe it. I really didn’t think she was right for him, and she didn’t like my relationship with him. We used to hang out all the time, and when she came into the picture, he never had time for me, you know? I know that happens. And I mean, I didn’t expect him to have as much time as he did before, but he had no time for me, not even for my calls.”

  “I’m sorry. So they ended up together and he cut you out, is that what happened?”

  “Oh, no. It was far worse than that.” I wiped my eyes. “I decided to test her.”

  “What do you mean to test her?”

  “I decided to see if she would cheat on my brother.” I shivered and wrapped my arms around myself. “Well, I was sure she would. I just left the trap to confirm my suspicions.”

  “What was the trap?”

  “My parents hadn’t met her yet, so I invited her over one night when I knew my dad would be home. And sure enough, she flirted with him. And my dad being the fucking hornball that he is, flirted with her, too.”