P.S. Not if You Were the Last Man on Earth Read online

  P.S. Not IF You Were The Last Man on Earth

  J. S. Cooper

  Copyright © 2022 by J. S. Cooper

  All rights reserved.

  No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without written permission from the author, except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.

  Created with Vellum

  Contents

  Blurb

  1. Susie

  2. Brody

  3. Susie

  4. Brody

  5. Susie

  6. Brody

  7. Susie

  8. Brody

  9. Susie

  10. Brody

  11. Susie

  12. Brody

  13. Susie

  14. Brody

  15. Susie

  16. Brody

  17. Susie

  18. Brody

  19. Susie

  20. Brody

  21. Susie

  22. Brody

  23. Susie

  24. Brody

  25. Susie

  Chapter 26

  27. Susie

  28. Brody

  29. Susie

  Acknowledgments

  Blurb

  P.S. Not If You Were The Last Man on Earth

  * * *

  To my tentmate,

  I’m only going to say this once. I’m not interested in you. I will not be sharing a sleeping bag with you. I will not be asking you to keep me warm with your ‘hot body.’ Who calls their own body hot, by the way? I will not be doing a belly dance for you in the middle of the night, and I definitely won’t be making you hot chocolate. You’ll be lucky if I even alert you if there’s a bear sighting, so don’t push your luck. I’m going to be 100% honest with you. I’m not interested and have no desire to see you again after this trip.

  * * *

  Yours Unsincerely,

  Susie

  * * *

  P.S. Not if you were the last man on earth!

  * * *

  They say no good deed goes unpunished, and they’re undoubtedly correct.

  * * *

  I agreed to go on a camping trip with my best friend and her new boyfriend, Finn, but I never agreed to share a tent with Finn’s best friend, Brody.

  * * *

  Brody is a pompous, full-of-himself jock. He thinks he rules the world because he’s some hotshot baseball player, but the joke’s on him, as I don’t even watch sports. I just need to get past this weekend without killing him, and then I never have to deal with his arrogant ass again.

  One

  Susie

  A loud cracking sound from about two feet away from me made me doubt my sanity. My head snapped to the right, and my eyes narrowed as I peered through the dense brush of the trees. I couldn’t see what had made the noise, but I wasn’t happy.

  I wasn’t happy at all.

  “What was that?” I asked no one in particular. My best friend, Marcia, was pressed against a tree, kissing her new boyfriend, Finn, and while I was happy for her, I couldn’t stop myself from rolling my eyes. I wanted to shout, “Get a room,” but there was no room to get.

  “Just a bear.” The humor in Brody’s voice irritated me. “Hopefully, it won’t come into your tent and eat you tonight.” He growled and waved his arms around him, and I pressed my lips together. “You don’t want the big, bad bear to eat you up.”

  “Well, if it does, then you’ll be next,” I snapped as I stared at the man next to me. “You’re in the same tent.”

  “Don’t sound so happy about it, Susie.”

  “Oh, can’t you tell? I’m ecstatic.”

  “I’m glad to hear that.” Brody smirked, and I just stared at him. He was one of Finn’s best friends, and we had not hit it off. In fact, I’d only met him once before this trip, and that had been one time too many. I knew men like him—handsome, rich, cocky—but I refused to let him get under my skin.

  “We should put up said tent now, though.” He nodded to the open ground next to the trees. “We want to do it before it gets dark.”

  “I cannot believe this is my life.” I sighed, looking out over the dirt completely surrounded by a thick expanse of trees before turning back at him. “All I wanted was an all-expenses-paid trip to Barbados or Hawaii. Shit, I even would have settled for Las Vegas—a nice luxurious suite with a big bath to soak in. But no, I get this.”

  “I know.” He unzipped his backpack. “Aren’t you lucky?”

  “So lucky,” I dragged out. A bee buzzed past me, and I jumped back. I stared at the bags dumped on the ground a few feet away from us and wondered if I would make it through this weekend without bursting into tears. I’d always dreamed of visiting California, but I’d hoped to be sipping martini’s on the beach, not flicking bugs off lukewarm water bottles.

  “Do you know how many women would die to be in your position?” He raised an eyebrow, looking self-assured.

  “Oh?” I said softly, stepping closer to him. I licked my lips and ran my hands through my long, dark hair. “Do you think so?”

  He grinned as he stared at my lips. “I know so. Women would do anything to…” His eyes widened as I took another step closer to him and raised my head toward his. I knew he thought I was going to kiss him. I knew he thought I’d all of a sudden fallen under his spell.

  “Do this?” I said as I pushed him back into a bunch of dry leaves. I laughed as I looked down at him as he blinked up at me. “You might think you’re a big shot, Brody Wainwright, but in my world, you are a nothing.”

  “Tell me what you really think, Susie.” He jumped up and brushed the autumn leaves off his jeans. “If you wanted to get your hands on me, you could have just asked.”

  “I didn’t want to get my hands on you.” I glared at him. “Trust me. You’re the last man on earth I would ever want to get my hands on.” I stared at his handsome face and knew that wasn’t quite true, but he didn’t need to know that.

  “Really?” He blinked at me several times, his mouth open in surprise as if no woman had ever muttered such a thing to him before. “So I guess it all ends with us.”

  “What all ends with us?”

  “Humanity.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “If I was the last man on earth and you were the last woman, and you turned me down, then there would be no more children, and thus, the end of the world. How does that make you feel, Susie? You are solely responsible for the end of the world.” He held his hands up to the universe, and I couldn’t stop myself from ogling his muscles. I made sure not to stare too long, but Brody was cut.

  “God, give me patience. Please!” I turned my back on him and gasped as I heard more cracking branches from the trees. My heart raced as I snuck a glance back at Brody, who was staring at me with a smile on his face. “Come on, let’s put this tent up.”

  “Yes, ma’am.” He bowed and then turned around. “Hey, lovebirds, we’re going to put up the tents now. Are you going to join us?”

  “Coming,” Finn called back and pulled away from a giggling Marcia. He grabbed her hand and gave her a loving smile. My heart ached slightly as she beamed at him.

  I’d never seen my best friend so happy. None of her other boyfriends had ever made her beam like he did. It was like he’d found a light switch inside of her that had never been turned on before. It was amazing to me to see how light and happy and carefree she was around him. Marcia had always had a tenseness to her when she was around her ex-boyfriends. And while I’d liked some of her exes, I’d never loved any of them. None of them had been the right fit.

&
nbsp; But Finn… well, Finn was her other half. Finn made me believe that maybe soul mates did exist after all, because he and Marcia were quite obviously made for each other.

  “Sickening, isn’t it?” Brody interrupted my thoughts as he gazed at Finn and Marcia.

  “I think it’s quite lovely, actually.”

  “Oh, you’re one of those.”

  “One of what?” I wanted to bite down on my tongue for falling for his bait.

  “A true romantic.” The way he said the words, you would have thought he was talking about being a serial killer.

  “Why? Because I believe in love?” I could hear the tension in my raising voice. This man knew how to trigger and annoy me, and I was letting him rile me up. I needed to learn how to ignore him.

  “Lust is not love.”

  “Did I say it was?” I sighed. “You think you know me, Brody, but I’m not like every other bimbo you’ve met.”

  “So you’re a unique bimbo?” His eyes twinkled with laughter. He was clearly loving this conversation. Brody was obviously the sort of man that liked to get on women’s nerves. I was pretty sure he would keep trying to irritate me if I kept responding the way I was.

  “Excuse me?” I glared at him. “How dare you call me a bimbo.”

  “Actually, I didn’t. You called yourself one. You said you’re not like the other bimbos I’ve met, thus putting yourself in that group.”

  “Let’s just put this tent up.” I shook my head as I took in the pile of canvas and poles. I bent down and picked up what appeared to be the frame and started to unfold it. “Some help, please?”

  “Of course.” He nodded and grabbed part of the frame. His fingers grazed mine for a brief second, and a jolt of electricity coursed through me. Our eyes met, and I waited for him to say something snide, but he didn’t. He narrowed his green eyes for a few seconds, and then his face relaxed. “So, how do you know Marcia?”

  “We grew up together in Florida. We’ve been best friends since we were kids. We went to elementary, high school, and college together. Honestly, she’s more like my sister than my friend.”

  He pushed some stakes into the ground. “Have you ever had a falling out?”

  “We’ve always been best friends. Well, there was this one time when we didn’t speak for two weeks.” I wanted to ask him why he cared. It was so odd for him to want to know if we’d ever had a falling out, but I didn’t really want to engage too much with him. No matter that his piercing gaze made my insides turn to mush.

  “Oh, what happened?”

  “Do not tell him.” Marcia laughed as she approached us. “I don’t want him to think poorly of me.”

  “You slept with her boyfriend?” Brody’s eyes widened, and he grinned wickedly. “How scandalous.” He rubbed his hands together like some sort of salacious old maid, and I couldn’t stop myself from laughing.

  “No, nothing like that,” I said. “You watch too much TV.”

  “I don’t watch any TV, actually,” he said. “I watch sports, but that’s for work.”

  “Okay then.” Boring. I didn’t want to tell him that I loved TV shows. I knew I watched far too much of it, and I didn’t want him judging me. Especially if he were to ask which shows I watched. I definitely kept a lot of trashy TV shows on the air.

  “I make Finn watch TV with me,” Marcia interjected as Finn gathered the canvas for their tent. “Though he falls asleep whenever I put on a reality show.”

  “Reality TV is for the dogs.” Finn shook his head. “I’ve never seen anything so inane in my life.”

  “What about when Barbie and Tanya argued about that dress in college?” Brody grinned, and Finn started laughing.

  “Okay, maybe that was inane.”

  “Barbie and Tanya?” Marcia raised an eyebrow and looked over at Finn. I could tell she was slightly jealous by the way she wrinkled her brow and rubbed her palms on her pants. “Who are they?” Her voice was far too nonchalant to be believable.

  “Two sorority girls we knew in college.” Finn chuckled. “All they ever did was talk about clothes.”

  “And one night, they came over wearing the same dress,” Brody added. “And they spent the whole evening arguing over who should change. I was like, ‘Take it off and let’s get busy. That’s why you came over anyway.’” He pursed his lips and gyrated his hips like he was in a club.

  I looked at him in disgust. “You really are a pig, aren’t you?”

  “I don’t oink. But I guess if you wanted me to do it in the bedroom, I could.” He winked at me. Did this guy take nothing seriously?

  “Hey, Susie Q. Shall we let the guys put up the tents while we go for a walk?” Marcia grabbed my arm and smiled. I knew she could read me well enough to know that my pressed lips and vacant eyes meant I was about to go off on Brody. I tapped my fingers together and exhaled. I was never good at breathing techniques, and I hated yoga, but I always knew to exhale when I was starting to get mad. It had stopped me from saying things I would regret several times.

  “Yeah, let’s do that.” I nodded as I dropped the tent. I followed behind her out of our campsite and to the main road.

  “I’m going to kill that guy,” I growled as soon as we were out of earshot.

  “I’m sorry, Susie. He’s not that bad, is he?” Marcia looked at me hopefully. “And he’s so cute.”

  “He’s not bad looking, but he knows it.”

  “Not bad?” She laughed. “Girl, Brody Wainwright is absolutely gorgeous.”

  “Then you share a tent with him.” I pursed my lips together. “This is not the trip I thought it was going to be.”

  “Are you mad at me?” I could tell from the look on her face that she was genuinely worried. I also knew from our years’ long friendship that she was out of her comfort zone as well. Neither one of us was really into the great outdoors.

  “No, I’m happy that you’re happy.” I squeezed her hand. “You and Finn really seem to have an amazing connection.” They had the sort of connection I hoped to find with a man. And I was so happy that she had found that with someone because I knew the crappy guys she’d dated before had made her feel like nothing. Finn loved and worshipped her, and I’d never seen her happier in my life.

  “He’s perfect.” She paused. “Well, maybe he’s not perfect, but he’s perfect for me.” She beamed and played with the small silver ring he’d given her. She wore it on her pinky finger, and I knew she loved that ring more than any other jewelry she owned.

  “You’re literally glowing.”

  “He does make my heart glow. I know that sounds cheesy, and I’m the last person in the world to be cheesy, but he’s the fire to my fireplace.”

  “Oh, Marcia.” I groaned. “That is past cheesy.” I glanced at the path ahead of us and the trees in front of us. It really was beautiful here. “Yosemite here we are. Make a believer out of us.”

  “Who would have thought we’d be camping in a national park?” Marcia asked, and I shook my head.

  “Not me.” A waterfall sounded from the distance, and the warbling of a Steller’s Jay filled my ears. I smiled to myself as we continued walking, taking some deep breaths and enjoying the cool air as it filled my lungs. The smell of cedar and fir trees filled my nostrils. I wished I had a way to bottle it up and take it home with me. It wasn’t so bad being out here in nature, but that was a thought I’d keep to myself.

  Two

  Brody

  “So what’s Susie’s story?” I asked Finn as we worked at getting the campsite ready before the girls got back. “She seems like she has a stick in her ass or something.”

  He grinned as he shook out the sleeping bags. “She’s just a little bit reserved.”

  “A little bit reserved? She’s colder than an iceberg.” I shivered. “Did we go to Antarctica or California?”

  “No, she’s not cold. You’re so dramatic, Brody.”

  “Trust me, she is. I’d get more softness out of a hedgehog.”

  “Just because sh
e doesn’t want you doesn’t mean she’s hard.”

  “Oh, Finn. We both know she wants me.” I shrugged as he rolled his eyes. “I’m just wondering if I should hook up with her, if and when she sneaks into my sleeping bag.” My eyes narrowed as Finn started laughing. “What’s so funny?”

  “Dude, do you hear yourself? Susie is not interested in you.”

  “She’s playing hard to get.” The words sounded arrogant, even to my own ears, but I couldn’t stop myself. Susie had intrigued me from the first moment I’d seen her. Her face was earnest and pretty, her eyes alert and all-seeing, and her lips were lush and delectable. She was the sort of woman I’d love to bed and then run fast away from. She was too dangerous for a man like me.

  “I don’t think she’s playing anything.” He handed me two sleeping bags. “Put these into your tent.” I grabbed them, unzipped my tent, and placed the sleeping bags on the floor. “Be nice to her. She’s Marcia’s best friend, and I can’t afford for her to not like me.”

  “So you’re really serious about Marcia?”

  “I love her. I’m going to marry her one day, so I’d say so.” He nodded and gave me a look. “Do not mess around with Susie. Be on your best behavior.”

  “I’m not looking to mess around with her.” I grinned. “I’m just having some fun teasing her. She’s pretty.” Pretty was an understatement. Susie was gorgeous. Even the way she glared at me turned me on.