P.S. Not if You Were the Last Man on Earth Read online

  “She’s not your type.”

  “What does that mean?” I was starting to take his words as a challenge. Why was he so determined for her not to like me?

  “She’s not a groupie. She’s not—”

  “I take offense to that. I do date women that aren’t groupies.” That was technically true, though most of the women I met and hooked up with were excited at the possibility of being with a baseball star.

  “You don’t date anyone.” He gave me a pointed look. “They don’t call you the player of baseball for no reason.”

  “Don’t be a player hater.”

  “I’m not.” He cleared his throat. “Brody, you know I love you, but do not fuck around with Susie, okay?”

  “Okay.” I nodded as I stared at my best friend. “You really love, Marcia, huh?”

  “I do.”

  I was about to quip back a funny retort, but I thought better of it. I’d never seen Finn like this before. We’d met our freshman year of college when we’d both walked on to the baseball team. He was one of my longest friendships, aside from a few high school friends that I didn’t really keep in contact with. He knew me as well as anyone did, and he could tell there was something beyond the façade I put on. Though, I was grateful he didn’t try and push anything. We were men. We didn’t have to talk about our feelings.

  “No worries, bro.” I ran my hands through my hair. “I won’t fuck her. I can keep it zipped up until we get back to New York. Did I tell you about this hot Latina chick I met at the club last week? Eva was her name. She had a bangin’ body. Long black hair. Dark eyes. Deep red lips that looked like they could suck a cock for hours. She can call me Papi, anytime.”

  “You’re an idiot. You know that, right?”

  “You’re just mad that you’re down to one pussy.” I chuckled. There was a hollowness to my laugh, and I wondered if he noticed. I would never admit it to Finn, but I was slightly taken aback and jealous of the fact that he’d settled down and seemed so domesticated. I just couldn’t see that for myself. When you were with one woman, you had to share too much of your life. And that was something I wasn’t willing to do.

  “Let’s get a fire started, Brody.”

  “Yes, captain.” I looked around for the firepit. “You brought wood?”

  “Yeah, I picked some up at the gas station.” He walked over to the truck, opened the back door, and started pulling out some bags. I headed over to help him, and I was suddenly hit with memories from my childhood, hanging out with my two brothers.

  “Brody, grab the axe.” My older brother, Michael, had called back to me as we’d walked out of the barn on our grandparents’ farm in Kentucky. I’d grabbed it and held it gingerly, nervous it would hit me in the leg. I’d only been ten—a tall, gangly kid with long limbs and zero coordination.

  “You’re not carrying it right.” My younger brother, Patrick, had grabbed the axe from me and carried it like he was a woodsman.

  “Come on, guys.” Michael had run ahead of us. “We need to cut down some trees for Gramps and Grams.”

  “Coming.” Patrick had stupidly run too. If our parents had been there, he never would have gone running with an axe in his hands.

  “Hey, Brody. You in la-la land?” Finn frowned as he hit me in the shoulder.

  “Sorry, what?”

  “I asked if you had a lighter.” He nodded toward the firepit.

  “Nah, man. Sorry. You don’t have one?”

  “Somewhere.” He went to his truck, and I checked my phone. I had fifty missed calls from about six different women and my manager. I scrolled through the texts to see if there was anything important, though there never was. I opened a few of the photos sent to me—some topless shots, and one woman had decided to show me what she could do with a ping-pong ball. I tilted my head to the side to get a better look and laughed to myself.

  “What’s so funny?” Finn asked as he headed back toward me. “What are you looking at?”

  “Your little old lady wouldn’t want you to see what I’m looking at, bro.”

  “What?” He stared at the phone and then back at me. “Don’t tell me, titties and things?”

  “Things. And titties, of course.”

  “You don’t ever get bored of looking at that shit, Brody?”

  “Did you?” I raised an eyebrow at him. Was Finn trying to rewrite history here? He was at the strip club alongside me more often than not before he met Marcia. Shit, I could remember one night in Vegas when his hotel room became the strip club.

  “Heh, maybe not. But that shit did get old. You couldn’t have a conversation with any of those women without worrying you’d find yourself on TMZ the next day.”

  “True.” I nodded. “Darryl found that out the hard way.”

  “Yup. Ten million hard ways.”

  “Yeah, well. I’m not stupid.” I powered my phone off and put it into my back pocket. “I’m here to relax this weekend. Refresh my mind, and all that new-age shit.”

  “Brody, you need to relax. Just let your guard down. Susie is good people. Enjoy her company.”

  “I’d love to enjoy her company.” I winked at him. “I can keep her warm at night.”

  “She’s not that type of girl.” He shook his head. “Don’t fuck around with her.”

  “I won’t fuck her unless she begs me, but then the begging might keep you and Marcia up.” I grinned at him, and he sighed.

  “Brody, just be serious for once, okay? This is important to me. Marcia and Susie are important to me. I know you like to pretend like everything is all fun and games, but bro, I know you. The guard can come down a little bit. We’re all friends here. You can just be yourself.”

  “I am being myself.” Out of all my friends, Finn was the one that knew me the best. He didn’t know all of me, but he saw the man that very few people got to. He saw the Brody that my family had known growing up.

  The one I tried to hide. The one I never wanted to be again.

  Three

  Susie

  “That was absolutely delicious.” Marcia looked over at Finn with a loving smile on her face. “I didn’t know you could cook like that.”

  “You know I’m a pretty dab hand with a grill.” He grinned. “I just haven’t been able to show you because we live in New York. But if we were to move to…”

  “Finn.” She glared at him, and he chuckled.

  “What? I’ve got to try and convince you somehow.”

  “What are you talking about?” I said, looking at them in confusion.

  “Finn doesn’t want to live in New York City,” Marcia said with a shrug.

  “Well, look around you,” Finn said, staring at the stars in the sky. “Do you see the stars in Manhattan? Do you see the moon? Do you hear the sounds of the birds at night? The rustling of the trees? Are you a hundred feet from a mountain?”

  “But that’s why we moved to the city,” I said. “Because we liked the hustle and bustle. We grew up in a small town in Florida, and we wanted something new.”

  “You didn’t have mountains in Florida, though, did you?” Finn said with a smile.

  “No, but we weren’t looking for mountains.” I narrowed my eyes at Marcia. “Are you moving to California? Is that why you wanted me to come on this trip?”

  “We’re not moving to California. I promise you.”

  “Really, Marcia?” Finn looked surprised. “I thought you said you’d think about it.”

  She sighed. “One day, maybe. But I literally just moved to New York. And you know I want to experience life there.”

  “Uh-oh,” Brody said. “Look what you’ve done, Susie.”

  “What have I done?”

  “You’ve caused a fight between the lovebirds.”

  “I haven’t caused any fight. I’m just curious, because it was Marcia that convinced me to move to New York City with her, even though I wasn’t quite ready, and she’s the one with the job. And now she has a boyfriend and wants to leave? I’m just trying to
figure out where I stand here.”

  “That’s not what’s happening,” Marcia said. “You know that, right?”

  “I’m just trying to figure out—”

  “We’re not leaving Manhattan anytime soon.” Finn walked over to me and put his arm around my shoulder. “You’ve been a really great friend to Marcia. I know how much she depends on you, and I know how much your friendship means to her. And yes, I don’t want to live the rest of my life in the city, but we’re not moving now. I didn’t want to get you upset.”

  I stared at his handsome face and then looked over at Marcia.

  I understood. I understood now why she’d fallen in love with him. He was a kind man, a good person, and I was appreciative of the fact that he’d come over to comfort me.

  “Thanks,” I said. “It’s not like I can’t be by myself, but I just thought I’d get to spend some time in the city with my best friend, especially now that she has a job and can take me everywhere.”

  “What is it that you do again, Marcia?” Brody asked, and Marcia and I both started laughing. “Can I know what the laughter’s about?” Brody looked at each one of us in turn. “I’m in the dark here.”

  “Marcia works for Finn at his company,” I said. “I can’t believe you didn’t know that.” I hoped my voice didn’t belie the fact that I was envious that my best friend was dating the CEO of a corporation. It wasn’t that I even cared about money that much, but it certainly made it easier and less stressful to not have to worry how one would pay their rent each month.

  “Finn doesn’t tell me about all his employees. Okay then. So it was an office romance?”

  “Something like that,” Finn replied.

  “And what is it that you do, Susie?” Brody continued.

  “I’m actually about to start a job soon.”

  “Oh yeah,” Marcia said. “So you’ve decided on which position you’re going to take?” I stared at her, my eyes a little wide, hoping she wasn’t going to continue.

  I hadn’t exactly told Marcia what my new job was. I’d been offered a position as a telephone psychic, but my conscience hadn’t let me take that. Too many people were gullible, and I’d hate to think that anyone acted upon my words. Instead, I’d accepted another position because rent was due. And now that Marcia was dating Finn, I didn’t want either one of them to think that I wasn’t going to pull my own weight. I didn’t want them to think that just because Finn was loaded that I expected him to pay all of our rent. I was going to find my half come hell or high water.

  “Come on now. What’s this job?” Brody said, his eyes narrowing. “I’m curious.”

  “I don’t really want to talk about it right now. Shall we go look at the stars or something?”

  “You can see the stars right here,” Brody said dryly. “It seems to me that you don’t want to tell us.”

  “I have no problem telling you guys, but no one wants to hear about my boring job.”

  “I want to know,” Finn said, and I glared at him. “Or maybe I don’t,” he said quickly. “If you don’t want to tell us about it, that’s fine.”

  “I mean, I’d rather…”

  “What, are you going to be some sort of stripper?” Brody said with a laugh. “If you want to practice on me right now, you can. I don’t have a lot of singles, but I promise you I’m good for it.”

  “No, I’m not going to be a stripper.” I couldn’t believe the gall of this guy to make assumptions and comments as he did.

  “What? I think you’d make a pretty sexy stripper. Your personality won’t be winning any awards, but maybe you don’t have to talk at the strip club.”

  “My personality is absolutely wonderful, thank you very much.”

  “I don’t know,” he said. “I’d be scared that you’d bite my head off while you were dancing on my lap.”

  “Excuse me?” I stared at him.

  “What? I didn’t stutter.”

  I rolled my eyes.

  “What? It’s true. You’d be on my lap grinding, and I’d be scared you’d…” He paused as Finn glared at him. “Okay, sorry. I was just joking.”

  “I don’t know what it is about you two. You’re like children,” Finn said, shaking his head.

  Marcia laughed. “And Susie says I’m the combative one.”

  “I’m not being combative. It’s him. He’s the one that’s always picking on me. So anything I have to say, he’s got something to say in return. He’s just rude.”

  “What? I asked you what your job is. I’m trying to get to know you. I care about your life. Is that so bad?” He held his hands up in the air and then jumped up. “I don’t know. Every other woman I’ve met has been delighted to tell me what they do for a living. I’m just being nice. I really don’t care what you do, Susie Q.”

  “Don’t call me that.”

  “Don’t call you what?” He grinned. “Susie Q?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Why not? You don’t like it?”

  “You don’t know me well enough to call me that. Only my best friends call me Susie Q.”

  “What if I just call you Q instead?”

  “No, you’re not going to call me Q. What if I just called you Y?”

  “Y?” He stared at me in confusion.

  “Brody ends with a Y.”

  “Yeah, but it doesn’t rhyme.” He chuckled and shook his head. “Nice try, Susie, but you didn’t quite get there.”

  “Um, Brody, you do realize that Susie Q doesn’t rhyme either?” I wanted to add dumbass to the end of that, but I knew I had to be nice, or Marcia would think I was deliberately trying to antagonize him.

  “Oh my gosh, guys.” Marcia jumped up as well. “Is this what you two are going to be like all weekend?”

  “Well, you should’ve told me this guy was coming, or you should’ve gotten me a separate tent.”

  “You wouldn’t want to sleep in a tent by yourself. You know that, Susie.”

  “I’d be fine.”

  “Really? What if a bear came in the middle of the night?”

  “It’s not like he’s going to protect me.” I pointed at Brody.

  “Would you want me to protect you?” He walked over to me and held his arms out. “If you want to come running into my arms, I’ll have them open at any time.”

  “I will not be running into your arms.”

  “You can come sit on my lap instead.” He winked.

  “I am not one of your fans, and I’m not a groupie. So save it, Brody Wainwright.”

  “I like it when you say my name,” he said with a smirk. “I really do.”

  “I’m sure.”

  “So, are you going to tell us what you do or…”

  I sighed. “Fine. Do you really want to know what my new job is?”

  “Yeah, I kind of do.”

  Finn nodded as well. “I can’t lie, Susie. I’m curious as well.”

  Marcia grinned. “Well, you know I want to know. What is it?”

  “Fine. It’s going to be on the phone.”

  “Yeah?” Finn prodded me.

  “Somewhat of a customer service role.”

  “Oh,” Marcia said. “For who? Like a bank?”

  “Not a bank. But I guess… businessmen.”

  “What sort of customer service role is there for businessmen?” Finn said, confused. “Are you going to work for American Express?”

  “That would be a bank, silly.” Marcia grabbed his hand.

  “You’re right. I wasn’t thinking.”

  “Let me think,” Brody said. “Customer service on the phone for businessmen. Are you going to work for an airline?”

  “No.”

  “Are you going to work for a concierge service?”

  “No. I doubt you’ll be able to guess it.”

  “It’s something you didn’t want to tell us, so obviously, it’s not necessarily on the up and up.”

  “What does that mean?”

  “It’s obvious that you’re not doing customer ser
vice for the FBI or the CIA, or you would’ve been excited to tell us that. So there’s got to be something that embarrasses you, or something you’re not quite happy about with this job. Maybe you’re even ashamed of it?”

  “I’m not ashamed of it. A job is a job,” I said, glaring at him. He was getting far too close for comfort. “Anyway, are we going to go and look at the stars or…”

  “Oh no, I’d much rather play this game,” Brody said.

  “Yeah,” Finn said. “And I want to show Marcia something, so maybe we can do the walk later?”

  “Okay, well, fine. If everyone just wants to—”

  “Oh, no, no, no,” Finn said. “I can show Marcia after you tell us what the job is.”

  “Fine. Oh my gosh! I’m going to be a phone sex operator.” I almost shouted it and then closed my mouth. Marcia’s eyes widened, and I could see Finn laughing as he stared at Brody.

  “Okay,” Finn said. “I don’t really know what to say to that.”

  “And you said stripper was a rude suggestion?” Brody threw his head back. “Dude, how in the world is a phone sex operator any better than a stripper?”

  “Because I’m not going to be having sex or touching anyone,” I said.

  He grinned at me. “Yeah, but you’re going to be getting guys off.”

  “You’re disgusting.”

  “I’m disgusting? Honey, do you know what your job is?”

  “I haven’t started yet.”

  “Guys are going to be calling you to whack off, okay? In the strip club, guys can’t openly whack off. Some might try, or a stripper might do it for them, but they’re not going to be whacking off to your voice. Whereas when...”

  “Okay, I get it. Thank you very much.”

  “They’re lucky, though,” he said softly.

  “What does that mean?”

  “You’re gorgeous and you have a nice voice. So”—he shrugged—“I wouldn’t mind having phone sex with you.”

  “Okay, conversation over.” I glared at him and then looked over to Marcia. “You owe me big time.”

  “I really do.” She nodded and then looked at Finn.

  Finn cleared his throat. “Hey, Susie.”