P.S. Not if You Were the Last Man on Earth Read online

  “I’d like to though,” he said, a twinkle in his eyes. I stared at him for a few seconds and kept my mouth shut. I didn’t know what was with this guy. Why did he keep teasing me when it was so obvious I wasn’t interested in any of his innuendos or games?

  “I’m feeling a little bit dirty,” I said. “I might go have a quick shower and then come back.”

  “I’ll join you.” Marcia jumped up. “You guys get the s’mores and stuff ready. We’ll be gone maybe ten, fifteen minutes?”

  “You do know it’s not a hotel, right?” Brody said. “There’s not going to be any sort of luxurious—”

  “I do know,” I cut him off. “Thank you very much for reminding me.” I turned and looked at Marcia. “And you owe me a trip to a five-star hotel sometime soon.”

  “Yes, dear,” she said. “Let me just work a couple more hours, and maybe I’ll save up the money.”

  “Yeah”—I laughed—“maybe. Come on.” We walked toward the showers, and I let out a deep sigh. “Oh my gosh, Marcia, I’m not even joking. That guy is such a jerk.”

  “I know, I know,” she said. “But remember, guys like him are always hiding something by acting that way.”

  “What do you mean? What the hell is he hiding?”

  “He probably has some sort of insecurity or something. I mean, any guy that’s that outlandish and that much of a player is overcompensating for something.”

  “He’s probably compensating for a small dick.”

  “Really, Susie?”

  “What? I’m just saying.”

  “Did you look?”

  “What do you mean, did I look? He was wearing jeans.”

  “So if he wasn’t wearing jeans, would you look?”

  “Oh my gosh, you’re horrible.”

  “What? I’m just being honest. He is a looker—you’ve got to admit that.”

  “I don’t have to admit anything, thank you very much.”

  “So you don’t think he’s handsome?”

  “Well, in a very obvious sort of way. Like that typical, I’m a baseball player, and I’ve got a hot body, and—p”

  “Ah, you said hot body.”

  “Why does this conversation sound very familiar, Marcia?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “It sounds like a conversation you and I had not so long ago in regards to Finn, and look at me and Finn now.”

  “Ugh. Well, that’s definitely not going to be the outcome for me and Brody. Literally, as soon as we land at the airport, I’m going home, and I hope to never see him again.”

  “That might be hard, Susie. He’s one of Finn’s best friends, and you are my best friend. It’s very likely that you’ll see each other plenty of times again.”

  “Oh, Marcia, if I didn’t love you…”

  “I know, I know. You’d kill me too, right?”

  “Yeah. You’ve got that right.” We made our way toward the showers, and I groaned at how gritty and dirty everything was. Brody hadn’t been lying. This certainly wasn’t the Ritz. Shit, it wasn’t even La Quinta Inn.

  Six

  Brody

  “Dude, you need to chill.” Finn was in my face as soon as the two women left the campsite.

  “What?” I blinked at him and held my hands up. “What have I done now?”

  “You told her to drop her panties?” He glared at me. “Really?”

  “What? I was just testing the waters.” I shrugged. “If we’re going to get it on in the tent, it will be a lot easier if she has no panties on.”

  “Susie isn’t that sort of girl. Also, she’s Marcia’s best friend, dude. She’s not going anywhere. Don’t put me in an awkward position.”

  “What awkward position?”

  “If Marcia doesn’t like you, then what do I do?”

  “Why wouldn’t she like me?” I gave him my megawatt smile. “I’m Brody Wainwright.”

  “These girls don’t care. You’re just a guy to them. And right now, you’re acting like a douche.”

  “How was I to know she was going to be so sensitive?”

  “These aren’t fuckgirls, Brody. Save it for the strip club.”

  “Why’d you drag me out here then, bro?” I huffed. I could have spent the weekend fucking some bimbo who wouldn’t get upset that I flirted with her. “I don’t need this shit.”

  “Maybe I wanted you to get to know my girlfriend.” He gave me a pointed look. “Maybe it was important to me for my best friend and my girlfriend to get along.”

  “Fine.” I stared at him for a few seconds. “I’ll be on my best behavior.”

  “Do you have a best behavior?”

  “As good as yours was before you met Marcia.”

  “Yeah, well, she doesn’t have to know I was a dog as well. Those days are behind me.”

  “You’re not going to miss it, though?”

  “What?”

  “The chase. New tail. The thrill of getting her to drop her panties and bra. The feel of sliding into a new pussy. The way they want you. It’s all an adrenaline rush.”

  “It gets old, Brody. It’s not the same as looking into the eyes of the woman you love and watching her climax and feeling her love.”

  “Oh, shit. Did someone get a job working for Hallmark?” I pretended to throw up.

  “I can’t wait until I see you fall.” He gave me an assessing look. “I have a feeling when you fall, it’s going to be hard.”

  “Why do you say that?”

  “Because the higher they are, the harder they fall.” He grinned. “Love is going to hit you like a ton of bricks. But I promise when it happens, it will be worth it.”

  “Did Marcia just enter your body?” I narrowed my eyes and stared at him. “I know these words are not coming out of your mouth.”

  “Brody Wainwright, if my girl wasn’t on this trip with us, I would smack you around.”

  “You don’t have to stop on my account.” Marcia laughed as she joined us. Her hair was wet, and her eyes were shining. I found myself looking behind her to see if Susie was there as well. She glanced at me, her hair soaked, long and curly. Her face was free of makeup, and she looked young and earnest. My heart twisted slightly as I took in her appearance of gray sweats and an oversized sweater.

  “That was fast,” I said, hoping Susie couldn’t tell just how excited I was to see her.

  “The showers weren’t exactly luxurious.” Susie wrinkled her nose.

  “Understatement of the year.” Marcia sidled up next to Finn and put her arm around his waist. He then wrapped his arm around her shoulders and kissed her on the top of the head. They were a vision of domesticity.

  “Sickening, eh?” Susie stood next to me and nodded toward Finn and Marcia.

  “The lovebirds need to get a room.” I licked my lips nervously. “Hey, I just wanted to apologize for earlier. I shouldn’t have asked you to drop your panties and bra.”

  “I don’t remember you asking me to remove my bra.” Her lips twitched as she stared me in the eyes. “But you’re forgiven.”

  I raised an eyebrow. “Just like that?”

  “Yeah.” She nodded. “Just like that. I mean, don’t do it again.”

  “Thirty minutes ago, you wanted to bite my head off, and now you’re acting like Mother Theresa. What happened in those showers?”

  “Trust me, I’m not Mother Theresa.” She poked me in the arm. “And just know that if you make a creepy comment like that to me again, I will chop off your dick.”

  “Ouch.” I rubbed the front of my jeans instinctively. “That would hurt.”

  “Very much.” She nodded.

  “So I won’t be making a comment like that again—even if you beg me.”

  “Even if I beg you?” She threw her head back and started laughing. Sprinkles of water flew off her curls and hit my skin. “I wouldn’t worry about that.”

  “Hey, you’re getting me wet.” I showed her my arm, and she rolled her eyes.

  “You wish, Brody.”
r />   “I wish?” I frowned, and then my eyes widened as she gave me a wicked look. “Wait, what? Did you just make a dirty joke?”

  “I don’t know, did I?” She gave me a sexy wink, and something in my pants expanded. Shit, that was unexpected. Susie had a sense of humor I hadn’t seen coming.

  “Don’t get used to them. Okay, so what’s next?”

  “S’mores, I guess.” I shrugged. “And horror stories.”

  “Oh, I hate scary stories.” She shivered.

  “But you love telling them.” Marcia split away from Finn and joined us again. “Susie is a story queen.”

  “I wouldn’t say queen. Maybe a princess.”

  “Now I’m curious.” I stared at her lips as she laughed. “Please do tell us a story.”

  “I wouldn’t want to give you an excuse to jump into my sleeping bag…”

  “I don’t need an excuse.” I grinned. “You say the word and I’m there.”

  “Are you two flirting?” Marcia sounded excited, and Susie shook her head vehemently. A shimmer of disappointment filled me as she pretended to retch.

  “No way. We just decided to be buddies seeing as we have a super long hike coming up, and we’re probably going to be doing it together while you and Finn canoodle.”

  “We do not canoodle.” Marcia giggled girlishly. “Okay, maybe a little, but he’s just so damn sweet and hot.”

  “Is someone talking about me?” Finn headed over to us with two steaming mugs of hot chocolate in his hands. “Here you go, girls. Hot chocolate with no good stuff.”

  “Thanks, Finn.” Susie smiled at him warmly, and I knew that I wanted her to look at me like that. The only looks she gave me were disgusted and/or annoyed--similar to the girls in high school. But I knew she was different.

  “Where’s my cup?”

  “You want hot chocolate, or you want whiskey?”

  “Whiskey all day, every day.” I lifted up my hand for a high five. “Shall we sit around the fire?”

  “Let’s do it.” Finn grabbed Marcia by the hand and spun her around as they headed toward the fire. Susie stared at me as we made our way as well, and we shared a look that said we were both exasperated and delighted for our friends.

  Seven

  Susie

  The fire was warm and kept me toasty as I sat in the gray camping chair. The flames leapt back and forth, illuminating Brody’s face as he messily ate s’mores. I felt content and happy, which surprised me seeing as I’d wanted to kill Brody only a few hours before. Though, I supposed we were both taking a truce. I couldn’t stop myself from studying Brody’s face as he sat there, more relaxed than I’d ever seen him. He didn’t have his guard up or his macho façade going, and there was a vulnerability to him that I was surprised to see.

  Jocks weren’t vulnerable. They didn’t have soft sides.

  But maybe I’d been wrong.

  “Okay, Susie. It’s your turn to tell us a story.” Marcia prodded me from her position on Finn’s lap. He had his arms wrapped around her as he nuzzled the side of her neck, and all of a sudden, I felt emotional.

  I was jealous. Not that I wasn’t deliriously happy for Marcia, but I wanted that for myself as well. I wanted to fall in love. I wanted someone to look at me the way Finn looked at Marcia. I wanted to feel butterflies in my stomach. I wanted to experience the first kiss that made my heart leap for joy. I wanted to touch someone who smiled at me with love in their eyes. I wanted to be in love.

  Not only did I want to be in love but I wanted it to be with someone that was head over heels for me. I wanted what Marcia had. I was so happy that she had met the love of her life, but it felt like everything good was happening to her, and nothing good was happening to me. She found a job, she had new friends, and now she had love.

  And what did I have?

  “Are you gonna tell us that story, or what?” Brody looked at me, and I wondered what it would be like to kiss him.

  “Okay, but I don’t want you to get scared. Once upon a time, there were four people…”

  “Once upon a time?” Brody asked. “Is this a fairy tale? Is it going to end with The Wicked Witch of the West doing something?”

  “Are you going to let me finish?” I replied. “Or would you rather tell a story instead?”

  “Don’t get your knickers in a twist.” He paused and wiggled his tongue at me. “And when I say don’t get your knickers in a twist, I don’t mean drop them for me.”

  “Really?” Finn stared at his friend. “The night was going so well.”

  “It still is,” I said with a smile. “Now, Brody, shut up so I can actually tell my story.”

  “I love it when you talk dirty to me.”

  We both started laughing. He was incorrigible, but there was something about his personality I was starting to like. He wasn’t a jackass like I had originally thought. He definitely was arrogant, but there was a caring side to him as well.

  “I’m going to continue,” I said.

  “But…”

  “But what, Brody?”

  “Just as long as it’s not a fairy tale. I don’t want to hear about Cinderella or Snow White or Sleeping Beauty or—”

  “Sounds like you know a lot of different Disney princesses. I guess we know what you do on the weekends.” I started laughing, and Marcia grinned at me.

  “Very funny.” Brody shook his head. “But I’ll be quiet now.”

  “Thank you. Now, is everyone settled in? Can I continue?”

  “You may continue, Susie,” Finn said wryly, and then he looked to Marcia. “Is she always a bossy boots like this?”

  “Yep.” She grinned.

  “Hey, that’s not fair. I’m not a bossy boots.”

  “You just take charge,” Marcia continues, “and I’m very thankful for it. If you didn’t have that kind of personality, then we would’ve been kicked out of our apartment a very long time ago.”

  “You can say that again,” I said with a smile. “Okay. So once upon a time, there were four people.”

  “Ooh.” Brody made howling noises.

  “And they were at Yosemite,” I said.

  “They were at Yosemite just like us?” Brody raised an eyebrow.

  “Brody, enough.” I glared at him.

  “Sorry, sorry. I will be quiet.” He pretended to zip his lips and I grinned.

  “And they were at Yosemite. It was a dark, spooky night, and there was barely a star to see in the sky,” I said in lowered tones. “The moon was bright, and they could hear the howling of wolves.”

  “Wolves? Like werewolves?” Marcia spoke up, and I shushed her. “Sorry, Susie.”

  “It’s okay. But they could hear the howling of wolves. They weren’t sure if it was werewolves or not. So, two of the men decided to go check.”

  “Why does it always have to be the men?” Finn said. Before I could say anything, he rushed out, “Sorry. My bad.”

  “Uh-huh. And the two men,” I continued, “decided to go check out where the howls were coming from.” I looked around the campsite. The fire was jumping, and I could hear an owl hooting in the distance. I grinned. “One of the women at the campsite decided that she was going to go check on the men, but the other woman didn’t want to go.”

  “Why don’t they stay together?” Marcia said. “Who’s dumb enough to venture out on their own in this day and age?”

  “Marcia.” I glared at her. “You guys are killing the vibe. You can’t interrupt me as I’m telling my story. Would you interrupt Hans Christian Andersen, or The Brothers Grimm or Walt Disney?”

  “I don’t know,” Brody said dryly. “Are you telling us that you’re the reincarnation of one of them?”

  “Obviously not.”

  “Guys,” Finn said. “I, for one, want to hear the end of the story.”

  “Me too,” Marcia said eagerly. “Susie tells the best stories.”

  “I’m listening,” Brody said. “Continue, please.”

  “If someone interrupts me agai
n, I’m not going to.” I paused as a rustle came from the trees behind me. I froze and looked at everyone. “What was that?”

  “What was what?” Brody said, shaking his head.

  “I heard something in the leaves.”

  He shrugged. “It’s most probably a bear.”

  “I thought you were joking.”

  “Why would I joke about bears?”

  “It’s fine,” Finn said. “The bears won’t bother us here. It’s more likely a lizard, or maybe a skunk or raccoon looking for food. That’s why I told everyone to pack up everything tightly so we don’t get visitors of the scavenger kind.”

  “Okay,” I said. “Well, anyway. One of the girls went off into the woods by herself, looking for the men. She saw a figure in the distance standing, next to one of the trees.”

  “What sort of tree?” Brody said and then zipped his lips again.

  “She saw a figure in the distance,” I repeated, “and she walked up to it thinking it was one of the men. And then, the figure turned toward her, and she gasped.”

  “What was it?” Marcia said, and I smiled sinisterly.

  “The figure started to howl and bared its teeth in the moonlight. It was the wolf they’d all been hearing previously. And the wolf said, ‘You’ve come, beautiful princess.’”

  “I thought this wasn’t a fairy tale,” Brody said.

  “Brody,” I shouted. “I’m not finishing the story.”

  “I’m sorry, I’m sorry. Please finish the story. I want to know what happens.”

  “Really?” I folded my arms. “I feel like you’re just making fun of me now.”

  “I promise I’m not. I want to know what happened with the princess and the werewolf.” His lips twitched. “And who knows, maybe there’s going to be a baseball player thrown in there somewhere as well.”

  “You know what, Brody Wainwright?”

  “Yes, Susie?”

  “You’re just incorrigible.”

  “I’ve heard that one before.”

  “Guys, if you’re going to flirt, can you do it after the story?” Finn said with a grin, and Marcia hit him in the shoulder.

  “Finn,” she chastised.