P.S. Not if You Were the Last Man on Earth Read online

  “What?” he said. “I’m just calling it like it is.”

  “We’re not flirting,” I said.

  “I just want to know what happens with this werewolf and this princess,” Brody said.

  “I swear,” I said, “if anyone interrupts me again…”

  “Yeah, yeah. You’re not going to tell us the rest of the story,” Brody said.

  “Anyway. The werewolf started whistling, and the princess got confused because she didn’t know werewolves could whistle.” I stared at Brody, and I could tell he wanted to interrupt. His lips were twitching, and he was running his hands through his hair as he sat forward, but he didn’t say anything.

  Marcia’s eyes were focused on me in rapt attention, and Finn had put his phone back into his pants pocket. I loved making up stories, especially to audiences that were engaged and would listen.

  “So she walked over to the werewolf and she said—”

  “Excuse me,” a loud voice sounded from behind us.

  “Ahh!” I jumped up and ran toward the tent.

  “Oh, sorry.” A tall guy stepped in. “I’m Ken. I’m your camp neighbor.” He gave us a bemused grin. “I didn’t mean to scare you.

  “No worries,” I said, stepping back from the tent. Brody was laughing now, and so was Finn. Marcia jumped up and walked over to me.

  “You okay, Susie?”

  “Yeah, I just wasn’t expecting someone else to talk just then.”

  “You got caught up in your own story, huh?” Brody said with a laugh.

  “I guess I did.”

  “Can we help you?” Brody said to the guy.

  “I was actually just wondering if you had any water. I should have brought much more than I did, but I drank the bottle that I had and, well, I’m thirsty.”

  “Sure,” Finn said. “Let me get you some.” The two men walked over to Finn’s truck.

  Marcia was smiling at me. “You’re not going to tell us for the rest of the story tonight, are you?”

  “Nope. I was interrupted far too many times.”

  “Well, that disappoints me,” Brody said, and he smiled warmly. “I was hoping to hear what happened with the wolf and the princess.”

  “Really, Brody?”

  “You’re a good storyteller. Have you ever thought about being an actress?”

  "Not really. At one point in my life, I kind of did. But no.”

  “What about a writer?”

  “That would be cool, but I don’t know that it’s my passion.”

  “She’d be great. She’d be really, really great,” Marcia said, speaking up. “I’d like to shoot and direct movies, and I’d love for Susie to write the scripts. We’d be a dynamic duo.”

  “You’re already a dynamic duo,” Brody said. He looked at his watch and yawned. “I guess I should go brush my teeth and get ready for bed.”

  “Oh, what time is it?” I said in surprise. I looked at my own watch and gasped. “Oh my gosh. It’s close to midnight.”

  He nodded. “It got late, huh? It’s a good thing we’re not hiking Half Dome tomorrow.”

  “Yeah,” I said. “Though I don’t know that I’m going to be able to do it the day after either.”

  “Positive mental attitude, Susie. You can do anything you put your mind to.”

  “Um, I don’t think that’s true,” I said dryly. “If I put my mind to climbing Mount Everest, could I do it?”

  “Yeah,” he said. “With lots of training.”

  “Exactly. With lots of training, which I don’t have. I also don’t have training for Half Dome.”

  “It’ll be okay,” he said softly. “And if at any point you want to stop and turn around, I’ll stop with you.”

  “You don’t have to do that.”

  “I know I don’t have to, but I’d be more than happy to. I just came along for the ride. This is Finn’s dream. And if you feel like you can’t go any further, I’ll turn back with you. Promise.”

  I looked at him with suspicious eyes, and then I realized that he was being sincere and sweet, and it surprised me.

  “Thank you,” I said.

  “Wow, that sounded almost genuine.”

  “It was genuine,” I said.

  “Well, then I think we’re making headway, Susie.”

  “I think we are as well, Brody. Now you should go brush your teeth because I don’t want you stinking up the tent with bad breath.”

  “And she’s back,” he said with a laugh. I grinned at him as he made his way to the campsite. Marcia gave me a look, and I frowned.

  “What’s that expression on your face about?”

  “You two seem to be getting awfully cozy and friendly.”

  “I wouldn’t say that. I think we’re barely stabbing each other because we’re stuck on this trip together.”

  “Me thinks you protest too much.” She smiled. “I’m glad you’re getting along. It’s important that you like Finn’s best friend. It just makes life easier.”

  “I know,” I said softly. “Don’t worry. I won’t mess this up. I know how important it is for me to get along with Finn’s friends.”

  “I love you. You know that, Susie?”

  “Love you, Marcia.”

  Eight

  Brody

  I brushed my teeth back and forth quickly, anxious to get back to the campsite and spend more time talking to Susie. She was fun and funny and engaging, and there was a light to her that I’d never seen in another human being. She had a way with words that drew me in and made me want to listen to her beautiful, melodic voice. I wanted to tease her just to see the sparkle in her eyes.

  I wanted to get back to continue my conversation with her, tease her some more, and just be around her, which was a strange feeling to me. I’d never wanted to be around anyone before. Everyone in my life had always been disposable—other than Finn. Everyone had their purpose and meaning, and it was weird, because she didn’t really fit into any of those boxes.

  She wasn’t a teammate I had to discuss the job with. She wasn’t one of my attorneys or managers I had to discuss money with. She wasn’t one of my guy friends I talked to about chicks and cars. And she wasn’t a family member I had idle chatter with. She was Susie, and she was funny and vibrant, and I could talk about anything with her. At least, that’s how I felt.

  I walked back to the campsite, clutching my toothbrush and grinning. There were two guys walking ahead of me, and one of them started singing the old Kenny Rogers song, “Gambler.” But as I listened carefully, I realized they had changed the lyrics.

  “You got to know when to fuck ’em,” one guy said.

  “You got to know when to slap them,” the other one said, and they both started laughing. The first guy started singing again, but this time, he sang the correct lyrics.

  And suddenly, I stopped. That song had been an old family favorite of mine and my brothers. Memories came crashing through.

  We’d been on our grandparents’ farm in Kentucky and sitting on bales of hay. My eldest brother had stolen a pack of cigarettes, and we lit one up and smoked, coughing and huffing and puffing—hating the taste of tobacco but wanting to feel like men.

  I’d been talking about the periodic table and different elements, and my brother’s eyes had been glazed over, bored, and I’d laid back and wished I was anywhere but there. I’d wished I had brothers that understood me.

  I’d wished I had brothers that cared about things other than sports.

  But in those days, when I’d felt like I wasn’t being listened to or I’d felt like I didn’t belong, I’d sing a country music song like Kenny Rogers or Dolly Parton, and we’d all chorus together. I wasn’t sure why music had been the thing that made us gel, but it was. Any uncomfortable moment, any time when one of us felt upset or mad, we’d sing.

  “Gambling Man,” I mumbled under my breath, staring into the night sky. I hadn’t spoken to anyone in my family for a long time. In fact, I tried not to think about them too much. They were beyond
proud of me now that I was a baseball player and played for the Yankees—now that I was someone they understood. But there was always the undercurrent of anger and bitterness and hurt, and the untold sadness that none of us shared throughout my family. They always made me feel tense.

  “Hey, sleepyhead.”

  I blinked and looked up, and there was Susie, standing right in front of me. Her worried eyes darted back and forth as she smiled sweetly, and in that moment, she looked like an angel. Her fingers reached up and played with one of her curls as she shifted her weight to the side. She chewed on her lower lip, and for a few moments, we just stood there in silence, sizing each other up.

  “Hey, what’s up?” I asked her. “Were you looking for me?”

  “No, I was coming to brush my teeth, and I saw you just standing there. Did you get lost?” she asked jokingly, but we both knew that wasn’t possible in a campsite as small as this.

  I shrugged. “I was just thinking and looking at the stars. Seeing if I could name any of the constellations.”

  “Oh.” She nodded, and something passed in her eyes that told me she knew it was a lie.

  “So, I’m going to go brush my teeth, and then I guess we’ll head to the tent?” She made a face. Finn and Marcia have already gone to bed.”

  “I don’t think they’ve gone to bed.” I winked at her, and she groaned.

  “You know what I mean.”

  “I do,” I said with a smile. “You want me to walk with you back to the bathroom and then walk back?”

  “Oh, no. You don’t have to do that.”

  “I know I don’t, but I don’t want the big, bad wolf to get you.”

  “I think you might be the big, bad wolf, Brody Wainwright.” She grinned at me, and I could see that she was staring at my lips, and all I could do was stare at hers. All I could think about was what her lips would taste like. What she would feel like pressed against my body. If she would scream and cry out when I made her come. If she would dig her fingernails into my back, begging me to take her.

  “Hey, you okay?” she said again, and I blinked.

  “Yeah, I’m fine.” I shifted slightly. I was hard. She stared at me, blushing.

  “So, I’m going to go brush my teeth now, and you do not have to come with me, but I’ll see you in the tent?” she said and gave me a timid smile.

  “Yeah, I’ll be there,” I said and nodded. I made sure she made her way to the bathroom before I walked back to our campsite. The fire was out, and Finn and Marcia were giggling from inside their tent.

  “Night, guys. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do,” I said loudly, and I heard Finn grunt.

  “Night, night, Brody,” he responded. “Be a good boy.”

  “I’m always a good boy,” I said and laughed as I unzipped the tent. I looked inside and saw the two sleeping bags lying next to each other. I wasn’t sure which one Susie wanted, so I decided to wait before I got into it. I sat on top of one of the bags and thought for a couple of seconds.

  I was surprised that my mood wasn’t more melancholy after thinking about my family. I’d gone to a bad place for a couple of minutes, but as soon as I’d seen Susie and her worried expression and nervous smile, all I could think about was her.

  I wondered what my life would’ve been like if I’d had a friend like her in high school. Someone I could count on and that would be a good listener and be there to take my mind off everything else. I wondered what my life would look like today if I’d pursued my real passion and gone into the sciences. Where would I be if I’d tried to become a chemist?

  I knew there was no point in thinking about the past. I was a baseball player—one of the MVPs of the previous season. I was a somebody. I was a jock. I chuckled to myself as I thought about it.

  Me, Brody Wainwright, a jock.

  When I was a teenager, I never would’ve believed it. But here I was, doing all the things that jocks did just to prove myself to my family, and to the world, that I was someone. That I mattered. That everything that had happened in the past hadn’t been in vain.

  There was a rustling outside the tent, and I sat up, grinning as Susie made her way inside.

  “You’re still up?” She looked surprised as she stepped inside.

  “You really thought I was going to fall asleep within five minutes?”

  “I don’t know. A lot of guys can fall asleep pretty fast.”

  “Well, not me. I wasn’t sure which tent you wanted.”

  “Which tent?” she said.

  “I meant which sleeping bag.” I grinned. “Sorry. My mind’s all over the place.”

  “That’s okay.” She smiled. “You’re sitting on one sleeping bag, so I think I’ll take the other one.”

  “Oh, I didn’t even think about that.”

  “No worries. They’re both the same, right?”

  “Yeah.” She unzipped her sleeping bag and slipped inside, and then I jumped up and unzipped mine and slipped inside as well.

  “I’m going to turn out the flashlight. Is that okay?” I pointed toward the light that was hanging from the top of the tent.

  “Sure,” she said. I pressed the power button and turned it off, and we were enveloped in darkness. We lay there in silence. All I could hear were the sounds of Finn and Marcia giggling from the tent next to us and birds in the distance. Then there was a rustling in the trees, and she gasped.

  “It’s okay, Susie,” I said. “Nothing will harm you with me here.”

  “Um, you’re going to protect me from the bears?” There was a nervous tone in her voice.

  “Yeah. If a bear comes in here, I’ll offer myself up first. Promise.”

  “You don’t have to do that, but thank you.”

  “I know I don’t have to, but I’m a man. I’ll protect you.”

  “Oh, boy. You’re a macho man.”

  “Is there something wrong with that?”

  “No, I guess not.”

  “You seem like you’re scared, and I’m not scared, so I’ll step in front of a bear for you.”

  She giggled. “Why does that sound like a marriage vow?”

  “A marriage vow?” I shuddered. “What does that mean?”

  “I don’t know,” she said. “It just sounds like someone would say it when they’re at the altar. “I take you to be my lawfully wedded wife, and if a bear happens upon us, I’ll stand in front of it for you,” she said in a loud, deep voice, and I chuckled.

  “You’re goofy, you know that?”

  “I know,” she said. “That’s how I like it.”

  “It must be nice having a best friend like Marcia. Someone you’ve known your whole life. I guess the two of you really complement each other?”

  “Yeah,” she said. “I guess I’m the dependable stalwart in the friendship.”

  “Oh? What does that mean?”

  “Nothing,” she said quickly. “And you and Finn—you’ve been friends for a long time too?”

  “Yeah, since college. He’s a good guy.”

  “I know,” she said. “He’s treated Marcia really well, and I’m glad they’ve found each other.”

  “Are you seeing anyone?”

  “No. Just haven’t met the one yet.”

  “But you’re looking?”

  “Aren’t we all looking?” she said softly.

  “No.” I shook my head, though I realized she couldn’t see me. “I’m not looking.

  “Wow. Why doesn’t that surprise me?”

  “I don’t know. Why doesn’t it?”

  “You don’t seem like the sort of guy that’s interested in settling down.”

  And as she said the words, I realized how true they were, but I also realized how much I wanted to change them.

  Nine

  Susie

  The leaves in the trees rustled outside of the tent, and an owl hooted in the distance. I blinked in the dark, trying to adjust my eyesight, and scratched my head as a mosquito flew by me.

  “Oh, man,” I mumbled under
my breath as I swat at it.

  “What is it?” Brody asked me, concern in his voice.

  “Nothing. I think I let a mosquito into the tent when I was coming in.”

  “Oh no, that sucks. I have some mosquito repellent if you want to put it on.”

  “No, that’s okay. Thank you, though.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “Yeah. I mean, I would, but I know how much it smells, and I don’t want to keep the both of us up.”

  “It’s okay. I wouldn’t have offered it if I couldn’t deal,” he said. “Are you sure you don’t want to put it on?”

  “No, thanks. That was really sweet of you.”

  “I’m a sweet guy,” he said in his deep, husky voice. I felt him roll over so that he was facing me, and I rolled over so that I was facing him. I could just about make out his face in the darkness.

  “I’m falling asleep,” I said, yawning as he stared at me.

  “I’m falling asleep too.”

  “Then I guess I should say good night.”

  “Good night, Susie.” There was mirth in his voice, and I couldn’t stop myself from laughing. “What’s so funny?” he asked, moving closer to me.

  “You are. I hate to say it, because you’re already full of yourself, but you’re funny.”

  “Funny as in ha-ha, or funny as in I look weird?”

  “You know you don’t look weird, Brody.”

  “I don’t know. My good looks and charm haven’t worked on you thus far.”

  “Your good looks and charm will never work on me, but that doesn’t mean I can’t tell you that I think you’re good looking.”

  “So you do think I’m good looking, then?”

  “You know you are.”

  “Perhaps,” he said with shrug. “But maybe I’m someone that didn’t grow up with good looks.”

  There was a hint of seriousness in his voice that led me to believe he was speaking the truth. I was thoughtful for a few seconds, unsure of how to respond to his comments. There were moments when I actually thought there was a depth to Brody Wainwright that I never would’ve believed.

  He wasn’t meaningful all of the time, but in those rare moments, I felt something real from him.